


The Muggle Way

by HeadintheCloudsForever



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Drama, F/M, First Dates, First Kiss, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 33,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26826889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeadintheCloudsForever/pseuds/HeadintheCloudsForever
Summary: A Remadora short story about one of Tonks and Lupin's first dates. AU. Remus Lupin asks his partner, Nymphadora Tonks, out on a date to make up for pushing her away following their first kiss, unsure of their relationship and where they're headed, going forward after a year of increasingly warm friendship. She agrees, but on one stipulation: the two spend their date the Muggle Way.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Kudos: 12





	1. To Take a Chance

**Author's Note**

**The Muggle Way Summary: A Remadora short story about one of Tonks and Lupin's first dates. AU. Remus Lupin asks his partner, Nymphadora Tonks, out on a date to make up for pushing her away following their first kiss, unsure of their relationship and where they're headed going forward after a year of increasingly warm friendship. She agrees, but on one stipulation: the two of them spend their date 'the Muggle Way.' No magic, just the two of them in downtown London. RLNT, OOTP.**

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE**

**TONKS** couldn't remember the last time she was so bloody _angry_. In fact, the young Auror was on the verge of being completely furious as she sat alone at the bar of the Three Broomsticks, drinking, having to be on at least her second glass of Fire Whiskey.

Remus had suggested that he wasn't good enough for her, but he had only done so after she had taken the initiative and kissed him a couple of nights ago when they had lain in wait outside a well-known Death Eater's home on an overnight mission for the Order.

Tonks had made an off-handed remark about her cousin, Sirius, that even now, through the haze of her muddied thoughts caused by the alcohol she had just downed, still rang in her eardrums, and she cursed herself for having said it in the first place.

" _He's still so handsome, isn't he? Sirius. Even after all that time in Azkaban Prison_." And her partner's response still rang true, refusing to part from her thoughts.

" _I suppose you've fallen for him, then? He always did get the women_ ," he'd said to her, a note of bitterness in her voice.

One thing had led to another, their words heated and passionate and argumentative, and _then_ …without even thinking about her actions, Tonks had kissed him. It had taken her less than a second to initiate it, and a further 3.8 seconds for her to realize Remus had kissed her _back_ , and she'd known by the way he had tilted her head and deepened their kiss that this was in no _way_ going to be a one-off, that they would try to brush this under the rug and pretend to each other that it never happened.

Everything had changed between the two of them, forever, following that kiss, or so she'd _thought_ , until the following morning when Remus became cold and distant to her, not wanting to discuss the topic when Tonks had attempted to broach it with him later that morning in private, brushing her off as he did. And now, here she sat, drinking away her sorrows, and feeling laced to brim with a sense of antagonizing hurt.

More than angry, however, Tonks felt vulnerable and emotionally compromised, and not sure how to feel about his dismissal and cold rejection. Lupin had pushed her away, saying that he was too old for her, too dangerous, too poor, and didn't even seem to want to entertain the idea that she believed otherwise. The thought of her even _wanting_ to date someone else hurt like hell, she bloody didn't and made the young witch feel as though Remus were hiding the plain truth from himself.

That he cared for her too, otherwise he would not have kissed her back and admitted his feelings, but then, if _that_ were the case, if he were deeply in love with her as she was with him, then why, by Merlin's Beard, why, had her partner pushed her away so coldly? Tonks _loved_ Remus, more than anything.

As long as Remus was by her side, she didn't want another, didn't need another but him, and _only_ him, but he didn't _see_ it.

But why didn't Lupin feel the _same_ way about her? She _knew_ he loved her, she had seen it for herself with her own eyes when he'd broken off the kiss first, thinking that if they did not stop it now, then it was going to lead to something much more dangerous and much more passionate, though she could see it in his eyes, that he wanted more, wanted to go further but took great effort in restraining himself not to.

Tonks didn't know whether to scream or cry and barely managed to conceal her half-choked sob of misery as she reached for her glass of Fire Whiskey and downed the last of its contents, the alcohol burning her throat in a tingling way as it went down.

All of these emotions welling up inside the confines of her chest were beginning to drive her crazy, and she'd been seated at this particular bar stool for about an hour. She had to do something to make herself feel less _cheated_ , and Tonks found herself swiveling on the barstool and scanned the room for someone to talk to, really. Tonks sighed, already knowing it would prove more cost-efficient to just drink at home.

Just buy two or three bottles of Fire Whiskey and drink in the relative comfort and safety of her own flat, though something about literally being alone and surrounded in silence with only the occasional squeaking's of her pet Bowtruckle, Ptelea, for company, all by herself, did _not_ sit well with the young witch at _all_ , and so here she was. She nursed her drink and glanced around the bar, observing everyone else.

At least other witches and wizards were having a good time, she thought, disgruntled.

 _Someone ought to because it's sure as Merlin's Beard isn't going to bloody be me_. Tonks watched a few young women giggle in the corner of the Three Broomsticks as they glanced across the crowded bar at a handsome young man and whispered to each other amongst themselves—probably daring the other to go up and say hi if Tonks had to hazard a guess. She felt the corners of her mouth twitch, tugging upwards in a small half-smile.

The young witch sincerely wished she could get that excited about any other wizard, any other one other than Remus John Lupin now. But even after a few days of each actively avoiding the other's company, she just couldn't seem to move on, to put Remus out of her mind for good.

 _Not after that kiss_ … She thought, grinding her teeth in nervous anticipation. But no matter how hard she tried over the last several days, she couldn't bring herself to do it. She didn't care what anyone else said of their so-called 'relationship.'

It was magic. In every sense of the word. Anything less than Lupin was not enough, in her eyes, and she knew if she were to pursue another wizard, one closer to her own age as Remus had so coldly suggested in an attempt to distance herself from him and keep her away, then Tonks knew it would only be a waste of her tie and a lie to the other person that she would only be pursuing with her heart longing after another in the process.

No. She couldn't do that to any poor chap she might stumble across. She—she _wouldn't_. Tonks heaved an exasperated sigh as she continued to let her inquisitive gaze roam over the patrons in the Three Broomsticks, a couple of men flirting up a storm up with the barmaid and owner of the pub, Madam Rosmerta, who casually brushed them off. Tonks grinned, feeling relieved that at least she wasn't the only one coveting someone who was otherwise off-limits.

Though when her eyes landed on a familiar, morose looking figure seated in one of the corner tables, away from everyone, Tonks felt her breath catch in her throat. Her gaze lingered as she realized he looked just as dejected and down on his luck as she was feeling, and her heartstrings gave a lurch as he stared down at a half-empty glass and didn't make an effort to engage in conversation.

Just like her, he was alone, lonely, and sad, and Tonks knew this poor fellow. He had rejected her and treated her feelings as though they were insignificant.

" _Remus_ ," she whispered through gritted teeth, feeling a surge of antagonizing hurt and anger welling within her veins and churning in the deep pits of her stomach. Tonks felt her throat hollow and constrict, swallowing down past the growing lump in her throat as she observed Remus's countenance in silence across the pub. He looked melancholy, though what else was new following the night of their first kiss?

Maybe now would be a good time for her to make a move, then… If he were already feeling down on himself, maybe he would be more likely to reconsider hearing her out, and she could manage to somehow convince him that she was _right_ for him.

Biting her bottom lip, Tonks glanced down at her outfit, a simple red collared shirt, and black pants, and tried to convince herself that she neither looked nor smelled funny, straightening her shirt and undoing a few of the top buttons to show off her neck.

She'd come straight to the pub following the end of her shift at the Ministry, needing a pick-me-up to the end of what was otherwise a crappy Friday afternoon at work. It wasn't what she would have opted for if she were dressing to impress for him but considering she hadn't exactly anticipated in running into Rem here, it would do.

Tonks knew she had to look as appealing to Remus as she possibly could, though she had never seemed to need to try too particularly hard around Lupin, really.

Tonks bit the wall of her cheek as she smoothed out the creases in her shirt and raked her fingers through her shoulder-length, loose wavy hair, a dark red in color this morning. She was so totally not prepared for this at all, but she thought it was now or never, and given the fact that Lupin seemed charmed enough by her on more than one occasion since her induction in the Order, so maybe tonight would be different, after all.

She exhaled a nervous breath, puffing out her cheeks as she slowly and cautiously made her way towards Remus's table, feeling like her heart was pounding against the confines of her chest and threatening to escape. This was a bad idea, a _verybadidea_ , what the bloody hell had she been _thinking_? What if he rejected her again? It still hurt like hell, his cold and distant words to her the other day outside of Rookwood's house. She could not understand why Remus didn't want to be with her.

As she approached his table and was by now at this point, close enough to touch him, Tonks paused, one of her arms hanging in mid-air as she hesitated and faltered in indecision. She needed to get his attention without scaring him off again.

She could not come outright and beg the man to reconsider his viewpoint on this, though she would be lying to herself if she did not at least admit that was her point. "Rem," she spoke up quietly, raising her voice just enough to be heard over the din of the noise of the other patrons gathered here in the Three Broomsticks. " _Remus_."

Tonks watched as the man blearily lifted his head sanguinely and regarded Tonks with a look she could only describe as hurt intermingled with that of relief.

He gestured with a curt jerk of his head for Tonks to pull up the chair to his immediate left, and for a moment, Tonks felt a surge of hope begin as just a small flicker, a tiny little ember flame of hope against the cold winds of Lupin's rejections.

"I…I was hoping that you and I could talk," Tonks began hesitantly, sticking out her bottom lip in a slight pout as she slung her little black purse over the back headrest of the chair and nervously began fidgeting with her pinkish-tipped fingers, not at all sure what to do with them as an incredible heat crept onto her cheeks and flushed them high with color. She allowed a single lock of her wavy hair to fall in front of her face in shame.

Exhaling a tense breath through her nose, Tonks steeled herself for another rejection and chose her next words carefully, wanting to say what was on her mind, if nothing else tonight, at least, to clear the air between the two of them.

"I—I'm _sorry_ , Remus," Tonks apologized, her tone sounding pained, as at last, she dared to lift her chin slightly and meet his gaze, fully expecting to see the heartbreak laced within the man's brilliant light brown eyes and was not surprised to see it there. "But I hope you know that I meant what I said to you earlier when we…when we kissed," she murmured, and Tonks did not apologize for seeing the sudden redness in his cheeks. "There's no one I _trust_ more than _you_ , Lupin. And I've never…had someone like you in my life. Even as a…a _friend_ ," she managed to croak out hoarsely, just the word 'friend' sounded harsh, and she spat the word as though it were a poisonous piece of chocolate that she'd just taken a bite out of it. "You've said this can no longer continue. I— _I_ am no longer acceptable to you, in your life. I see that now. I—I shouldn't have kissed you, you—I—I didn't take your feelings into consideration, but I _know_ , that you felt it too, you look me in the _eye_ and tell me that you didn't feel it too, Remus, and if you don't let yourself feel it, then you'll never be loved, Remus," Tonks pleaded, feeling the beginnings of tears sting in her eyes.

"I don't deserve your friendship _or_ your love, Dora," Lupin remarked immediately, turning his head away from her, sounding suddenly ashamed. "But…" He hesitated, his voice trailing off as it cracked and faltered, as did his resolve. Tonks froze, waiting for Remus to respond with bated breath. "But I can't seem to make myself stay away from you. You shouldn't love me, Tonks," he said, sounding pained. "in fact, if you were smart, you wouldn't be anywhere _near_ me. I—I'm dangerous, too old, too poor…"

Lupin's normally smooth, melodious voice now sounded rusty, like the hinges of an old door that needing oiling, but he did not stop.

He fixed Tonks with a pointed stare and continued. "But...the other night, when we...when we talked, and one thing...led to another, I...I—I did not _see_ you," he murmured, feeling heat flood his limbs and engulf his heart. "Until the other night when we…when we kissed, I did not think myself worthy of a woman's affections, especially not yours, and…how is it, after almost over a year of knowing you, Tonks, that I never saw it?" Remus asked pitifully, his voice cracking and breaking like glass as his hand instinctively reached across the table and took her hand in his and gave it a strong but firm and reassuring squeeze.

"N—never saw what?" Tonks managed to croak hoarsely, feigning innocence, though she wasn't stupid. Was Rem…was he talking about what she _thought_ he was?

Tonks felt her jaw drop open in shock, feeling sure she must look like Remus had just slapped her. She felt quite flustered and promptly closed her mouth before any of the patrons here in the pub took notice and thought to ask after her companion.

The last thing she wanted was the people in here thinking Lupin was mistreating her, was abusive to her in any way, shape, or form. She swallowed hard.

"How is it that I never saw you?" he asked, feeling his breaths catching in his throat and was quite sure that slick, salty tears would slip from his lids at any second.

Tonks felt the corners of her mouth twitch upward in a sad yet hopeful smile, albeit without showing her teeth, and she drew in a breath that pained her lungs as she felt one of Lupin's hands curl into a tight protective fist overtop his, not letting go.

It felt nice, the slightly rough and calloused skin of his warm palm over hers. She made no move to remove his hand, and it seemed to take her ages to find her voice, though when she did, Tonks made a point of lifting her chin to look her partner square in the eyes.

"But you _did_ see me, Remus," Tonks persisted, trying hard to keep the desperation out of her tones, though she heard the wretched emotion creep its way as worry in her voice anyways, and she visibly flinched, hoping Lupin hadn't seen it happen. "You only didn't know _where_ to place me, or of your feelings for me. I _know_ that you care for me, b—but I…I wanted to wait for you to discover that for yourself."

Lupin paused, at a loss for words as to what to say and finding no possible words that do to justice to describe just how he was feeling at the moment, though when Tonks abruptly pulled her hands out of his grasp, he instantly missed the heat she gave off, wanting nothing more than to be enveloped in her warmth if she would have him.

Sensing that Remus was not going to respond, Tonks sighed, slumping her shoulders in defeat and disappointment, pursing her lips in a thin line and scowling.

Furrowing his brows in a frown as Tonks made a show of slipping the strap of her black leather purse patterned with tiny black flowers at the bottom of it over her shoulder and pushing the chair back into the table that she had just occupied, he stood.

"Well, I—I should…it's late, I—I should get going," Tonks murmured, barely managing to repress a yawn with the back of her palm as she offered a shy little wave.

Lupin watched Tonks begin to walk away from him, effectively turning her back, and he almost growled, courtesy of the Wolf within him, at the immense displeasure.

"Dora," he called out, and he was pleased to see that Tonks paused, stopping midway from completely exiting and silently waited for his want as she lingered in the doorway of the Three Broomsticks, despite only seeing him in the shadows of the otherwise dimly lit pub. Remus turned his head a quarter so she could only see the side of his profile, his eyes looking down as a cold sweat began to gather, glistening on his brow as he swallowed down nervously past the growing lump in his throat.

She turned slightly; her fingers of her right hand clutched into an iron fist over the strap of her black purse. Tonks let out a nervous laugh, releasing some of the tension. If this situation were heading where she thought it was, she wasn't sure what her answer would be.

Tonks had sworn off dating until the right guy came along, and she knew her right guy was right here. She was sick of telling men about herself only for them to decide she wasn't what they were looking for, if she had to hear, "It's not you, it's me" again, she thought she'd puke.

Tonks curled her fingers into the palm of her hand, not even feeling them dig in. If she _didn't_ fancy a man, she'd be funny and flirtatious, and since she did fancy Lupin, her mouth felt full of sawdust and her brain was malfunctioning as much as if she were drunk on way too much Fire Whiskey, which she reserved specifically for the weekends. She fell silent and waited for him to speak, hoping whatever he wanted, he would make it quick so that she could go home to Ptelea.

"I—I don't want to deny how I feel anymore," Lupin murmured, closing off the gap of space between the two of them in two long strides, and then he was holding her hand. Tonks stiffened involuntarily at the sudden contact and unexpected heat of the simplistic but intimate gesture, though she made no move to pull her hand from his. Remus saw the shock register on Tonks's face before she could hide it. A soft smile played on his lips.

It wasn't what he said though, his words were like vanilla pudding, sweet in their ordinary sort of way, and it was the richness of his tones that had captured her attention—luxurious and warm. She blinked owlishly at him as Remus continued, effectively breaking her out of the momentary spell he had placed her under.

"I—I was wondering, now that...now that you and I are...taking the next step," he began nervously, reaching up to his free hand not clutched onto her hand in a firm vice grip, I—if you wanted to…spend tomorrow with me. Just the two of us. Alone. As a…as a date," he finished, biting the wall of his cheek.

Tonks blinked and shook her head to clear her mind, feeling certain she'd misheard him. Though to her surprise, she heard herself agreeing to his request before her brain could even catch up to what she had just said, and what Remus had just said.

"Yeah, I—I'd really like that, Remus. Where shall I meet you? Here?" she murmured, glancing around the crowded Three Broomsticks, and then a better idea struck her, and when she smiled a soft, white smile at him, Lupin's heart gave a lurch.

He was briefly tempted to take her by the head and kiss her again, though he resisted the urge. Not with all of these people present, and he frowned, wondering why they'd not stepped outside for some fresh air.

Placing one of his arms gently around her shoulders, he cautiously steered her towards the front door, drawing in a sharp breath as a cold burst of wind hit their faces and pinked their cheeks the second they stepped out of the relative warmth and coziness of the Three Broomsticks, and into silence.

"No, _not_ here," Tonks shook her head, a growing look of excitement gleaming in her gray eyes as she had to crane her neck upward to look at him. "Meet me at my flat. I have an idea for a memorable time that I think you're really going to love it, Rem," she murmured, taking a second to wave her wand so a tiny piece of parchment paper appeared, and she took a moment to pull a pen out of her purse and jotted down her address, before carefully slipping it into the front exterior pocket of Remus's jacket.

All the kiss Tonks left on his cheek was a little wet mark; a shallow pool of saliva on Lupin's cheek. But when she planted the kiss there, Lupin felt a warmth spread through his limbs and his mind feels a pleasant buzz.

Every good thing seems possible, likely even. And then, he knew he had found what he had been looking for all his life, someone to show him what it means to be happy from the inside out, so his smile can be real and not a mask. Lupin quickly recovered, though the blush on his cheeks remained.

"Six? Will that be too early for you, Dora?" he asked, not bothering to contain the note of excitement that crept his way into his voice. "I—I can come by later if you want."

Tonks shook her head happily. "Six is perfect, Rem, I'll see you tomorrow," she murmured lowly, lightly brushing her lips against his and turning away before they could dare to take it the next step further, and neither one of them got any sleep tonight.

Tonks, as a rule, hid her emotions, given her line of work as an Auror for the Ministry. She figured they were intel she would rather not hand over and so at all times, her face was blank. But tonight was different.

She had been asked on her first date since her time at Hogwarts when Charlie Weasley had asked her out at the exact same time that her best friend, Ollie had, and she'd been forced to choose, and excitement poured out her like sunshine through fine white linen; she glowed from the inside out.

The smile that cracked her face had not been seen since that day and she walked faster, talked faster, ate faster. She just had a good feeling about tomorrow; nothing that felt this right could possibly go wrong.

It just couldn't. _Could_ it?

**XXXX**


	2. To See Yourself as I Do

**CHAPTER TWO**

**LUPIN** stood just outside the bustling streets of London, outside of Dora's apartment the following day, a few minutes before six, wanting to be early, hardly daring to believe the turn that last night had taken, that she, like him, _did_ feel the unimaginable thing that had been churning within the pit of his stomach for weeks following their assignment as partners to one another in various Order missions.

For just a split second, he wondered if he was dreaming again when she had stridden up to his table last night in the Three Broomsticks and Tonks had met his gaze.

He had been… _stunned_. He hadn't been able to find his voice. Remus had felt his cheeks flush hot and his stomach churned as a coil within his gut twisted, lurching.

Remus's wolfish senses had been on heightened alert as he could smell whatever shampoo Tonks used that smelled like apples for the fall, bringing to his senses thoughts of autumn, and how she smelled sweet like the forest, bringing to his mind thoughts of a happier place.

For just a second the other night, he wondered if he had been dreaming again, and how when he had looked up to find Tonks standing there watching him with an equal look of despair and utter hopelessness on her face, he had been stunned.

He'd not been able to find his voice. He'd felt his cheeks flush hot and his stomach got heavy, much like it was doing to him right now, and he felt grateful he'd eaten a light lunch, not knowing if maybe there was a place Dora wanted to go for dinner. He hadn't felt like this in a long time, not since…well, come to think of it, ever.

At the thought of going up to her flat and knocking on Tonks's front door, his cheeks burned, flushing them pink with color that he knew had nothing to do with the crisp end-of-October chill as November crept towards London at its petty snail's crawl.

How many stupid love songs had he heard over the years by singer Celestina Warbeck that had said, "She takes my breath away?" Remus had always shrugged that off whenever Molly and Arthur would make a comment over one of the witch's songs, but now, it made sense to him, and he wasn't at all sure what to do about how he felt.

His body seemed to numb of its own accord, he felt sure he was getting used to the constant swallowing of nothing, though as he licked his lips to moisten them, no moisture came. He'd never tried to date a witch before, let alone one as blindingly beautiful and unfailingly kind and as gentle, graceful, and pure of heart as Nymphadora Tonks was, as to how he believed the young witch to be, always having to push women away for fear of what would happen to him once they learned the truth of his condition.

In his entire adult life, now at age thirty-five, because of his lycanthropy, he had never attempted to date, always having to watch off to the sidelines as James fell in love with Lily, and Sirius during his Hogwarts days tended to flirt up storms with young witches and then discard them like used handkerchiefs, something Remus had always disapproved of and had never been shy about vocalizing his displeasure towards Sirius.

Remus was so certain that anytime a witch looked his way, she was making some judgment of him from afar, just as he had assumed Nymphadora Tonks had, upon his first night of meeting the bright young witch who had effortlessly stolen his heart before he had even known it was gone when she'd tripped over that stupid troll umbrella leg stand in the hallway of Order's Headquarters and had woken up Sirius's mum's portrait and had effectively caused a ruckus. He snorted, remembering it well.

His skin still to this day _still_ tingled where Tonks had touched him, grabbing onto his wrist, the pads of her delicate fingertips leaving a trail of red hot sparks in their wake as she had accidentally grazed against one of the scars on the top of his right palm.

Lupin, up until that moment, had never taken notice much of Nymphadora Tonks before. She was Sirius's cousin, and he was not about to get involved in _that_.

He had seen the way that Padfoot eyed his own cousin, a look of intrigue within his glistening gray orbs, and how Sirius would always fidget with his fingers whenever he was addressing Tonks in what Remus knew to be a conscious act. So, he looked.

Remus did not know if he had ever envied Sirius more at that moment during dinner when Sirius had sat next to Remus and Tonks across the table from them both. He realized he had held his gaze far too long when Tonks caught him staring, and quirked a brow at him, though she smiled, causing Lupin to immediately look away.

Her face was one of a strange triumph, albeit a shy one, as she met Sirius's gaze, and Padfoot did not even have the decency to be embarrassed. But why should he?

There was nothing romantic between himself and Tonks, and Remus knew that he needed to cut this out, that to hope that a witch-like Tonks would look past the horrific nature of his lycanthropy to see the man beneath the scars and the Wolf, was a fool's hope. And Sirius had returned Tonks's smile like he was happy right down to his soul like there was no part of Black where sadness dwells. Sirius, unlike Remus, had no mannerisms that showed damage of any kind; he was perfection right down to his face.

The witches and Muggle women alike whenever Sirius Black walked the streets of London all followed him with their eyes, their gazes practically crawling all over him.

Even the ones who did not tend to notice men, Lupin had painstakingly noticed. He thought it wasn't fair how he would practically sell his soul just to be Padfoot for one day, to walk in those shoes instead of his own. To know a life free of hardship, one free of his lycanthropy. If that was envy, then Remus did not care at all.

How fair was it to be so cursed with such a miserable existence and then be judged for wanting more? He was not certain that he would ever fully understand this.

Though that night, Remus fully recollected being drawn towards Tonks's hair, witnessing for the first time how it had changed crimson of its own accord as her face flushed high with color in embarrassment as Remus had helped Tonks up off the floor.

Tonks kept her hair wavy, cascading in natural waves and relaxed curls to just past her collarbones, and as the smooth skin of her palm met his rough, calloused outstretched hand as he had to kneel on the floor slightly to help the young witch up, he had felt the fire, the incredible heat that she gave off, and had almost jerked his hand away in a knee-jerk reaction, as though just the young witch's touch had burned him.

Lupin recollected how his mouth had gone dry as Tonks looked his way back over her shoulder once he had help right her to her full height, her mouth forming the perfect white smile as she allowed a light pink blush to speckle along her cheeks as her hair reverted to its normal color, a rich maroon red, almost a burgundy plum in color.

"Thanks, Remus," she had whispered, before disappearing down the hallway.

Remus remembered feeling how his heartbeat erratically in his chest so hard that he thought it might fly out, just like it was doing to him now, so bloody audibly loud. Lupin was able to admit to himself what he had known and tried to deny all along but was too afraid to admit it until last night when he had asked Tonks out on a date.

That he liked her. A lot. And he wanted to be with her if she would have him. In truth, he was honestly surprised that Tonks had agreed, after the horrible way they had argued, following their first kiss outside of a well-known Death Eater's home that night.

Lupin flinched involuntarily, still able to recollect that fateful night when everything had changed, how that kiss had spelled the ending and beginning of everything. And the morning after, the words they had spouted at one another in anger.

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, unable to stop the memory from returning…

* * *

"Why did you _do_ it, Remus?" Tonks asked of him the following morning in Sirius's parents' library, gingerly closing the door behind her, an unreadable expression in her light gray eyes, her back resting against the oak frame of the door as she stared. Her voice was hushed, and little more than a whisper, but it cut Remus as deep as glass, as the sound of her sweet, reserved voice pulled him away from his pensive staring out the window, where he had been mindlessly watching the streets of London.

Trying to pretend (and failing) that he could not see her luscious reflection in the dingy glass of the window, or that he could not hear her voice until she was standing directly next to him, the edges of their shoulders touching, and it was impossible to ignore her any longer. The pain of her words escaped her before Tonks even realized it.

The damage already was done, and the hurt did not register with either one until they knew it was already too late. That Tonks had reopened the wound of his tender heart by bringing up last night's kiss, which Remus had known was a bloody mistake.

Lupin decided to pretend as though he did not understand Tonks.

"Do what?" he asked of Tonks slowly, the edges of his voice clipped and hardened, squeezing his eyes shut, hating that their new partnership had come to this, that things were now about to become irrevocably damaged between the two of them because of his inability to control his urges, though he realized soon enough the error of his mistake.

When Tonks did not reply, Remus bit the wall of his cheek and forced himself to look up, not wanting to meet the antagonizing hurt that was no doubt brimming as unshed tears in Dora's hauntingly gray eyes that were so like the last ashes of a fire. 

Any nervousness that had been constricting his chest so tight until it felt like no air was coming to his lungs quickly dissipated as something else replaced it. Confusion.

Tonks was not upset. Merely, she proceeded to look at him as though disappointed, shaking her head and furrowing her brows in a frown, bowing her head.

"Do I really _need_ to say it?" Tonks said, her voice hoarse and coarse as she narrowed her eyes and glowered at her, one hand curled into a fist over the strap of her black purse, the other resting on her hip as she had jutted it out to the side slightly.

Tonks was staring at Remus in a way that he had never seen in her before, and as the young Auror glowered at him, Lupin felt his face fall. Tonks was angry with him. But there was something unspoken glimmering in her eyes, too, as her gray eyes were fully focused on Remus now, almond-shaped, large, and utterly unabashed.

She was angry.

"Tonks, I—" Lupin started to say, but Tonks held up a hand and cut him off.

"You have been purposefully _ignoring_ me for the last _five_ days since our night together outside of Augustus Rookwood's house. You've barely said more than _two_ words to me the entire time, much less _looked_ at me during Order meetings or when I try to stop by Headquarters to try to see you. Is this all just an _excuse_ , because of what happened between us?" Tonks demanded hotly, slinging her purse off her shoulder, and letting her bag fall in front of her feet with a loud, sickening _thud_ , making him flinch.

As she demanded an answer of Remus, it did not escape Lupin's attention that her normally soft, quiet, reserved voice now reverberated across the desolate library, her tone rising. Of all the things Lupin had been expected of Dora, this was not exactly it.

Yes, he had anticipated that Tonks would be angry as to his initial decision to try to distance himself from his partner as much as possible, but given how she was perhaps the most single-handedly gifted young witch of her age that he had ever met, incredibly smart, that Tonks would be able to understand why he could not pursue her.

Lupin stared at Tonks, feeling like his mind was going blank, unable to process what was happening, the turn their conversation had taken, and he had barely said two words to Tonks so far. He could understand and anticipate that Dora would be upset.

Cold, maybe, annoyed, perhaps, with a staunch refusal to speak to him, which was what Remus had been expecting, but not anger. Anger, in Remus's mind, suggested that Dora cared far too much for his own miserable wretched existence, and he could not even begin to let himself contemplate such a ridiculous idea that she…she _loved_ him.

"Dora, let me explain. It was a mistake, it never should have happened, we should not have allowed this to happen! We—we were—we were _confused_ and _not_ thinking straight, either one of us," Lupin blurted out, visibly wincing as the words left his lips.

He knew from the moment the words were out of his mouth, that it was much too late to take them back, and that his cold words had hit their mark as Dora's face paled. She looked deathly ill, her lips parted open slightly in shock as if he had hit her.

"You're _lying_ ," Tonks spoke up, her eyes narrowing until Remus was reminded of a pit viper's slit-like pupils, and her voice was turning low and incredibly dangerous. "You are a _terrible_ liar, Remus, so don't bloody start this now. You can at least pay me the courtesy of being _honest_ with me, Lupin! I'm your _partner_ , aren't I?" Tonks cried.

As Tonks had to practically crane her neck upward at him to see into his light brown eyes, Remus flinched, seeing the unspoken grief and pain that lingered in her gray eyes, pain that he had unwittingly placed thereby allowing the Wolf to take control.

He had—his senses had been seduced that night when he had kissed her back. The other night outside of Rookwood's safehouse, when she had initiated the kiss after an intense argument following a misunderstanding about an off-handed remark Tonks had made about Sirius, how when she had begged Remus to look at her, just the sound of his name on her tongue had made Lupin's heart throw itself wildly against his chest.

He had looked up from their perch on the rooftop, the very same rooftop, he noticed, that they had once had a conversation about Remus's first few times keeping watch after Tonks had expressed doubt in her abilities to confidently keep a watch.

Remus looked down at Tonks, only to brush her nose with his, seeing an incredulous reflection in Tonks's glistening gray orbs before she had closed them and silently, without so much as a warning, pressed her lips to his. He had frozen in shock.

He had completely expected Dora to recoil and explain away the slip in her balance at any moment.

But that moment never came for him. The witch kissed him.

Tearing down the hardened walls of denial Remus had built around his heart, formed around anything and _everything_ having to do with Dora and his condition.

Lupin felt a pleasant shudder journey down his spine as he could still feel how her lips pressed firmly against his warmed him, thawing out his initial shock at his first kiss.

Remus remembered not wanting to close his eyes, half-worried she would vanish and Disapparate if he did, leaving him alone stranded on this rooftop like a cruel _prank_.

Though something within the dark recesses of his mind told him to follow Tonks's example, so he reluctantly closed his eyes, one of his hands grazing along the soft skin of her collarbones, feeling Tonks shudder beneath his feather-light touches, before his hand slowly drifted up to her neck and cupped her cheek of its own accord.

The world faded to black the second he had closed his eyes, and only Tonks's gentle touch kept him firmly anchored in the heady darkness of their first kiss.

Remus had tried to kiss her back, though given this was his first, he had no bloody idea what the hell he was doing, though Tonks, at the time, did not care.

She had leaned him into, enticing Lupin to hold her as close as he possibly dared or wanted.

And even now, as he looked into Tonks's eyes, Remus knew that by kissing her back, he had been chasing nothing more than a fool's dream, and his first thought, albeit an inappropriate one, was that a cloud must have passed by outside because just then, a soft ray of sunlight broke through the otherwise pitch-blackness of Sirius's parents' library and shone in through the very window beside which the two of them stood.

It threw the little library and everything in it, including the two of them, into the light. Remus watched, amazed, as the light-flooded Tonks's tired, pale face and engulfed it completely in a soft golden glow.

When her wavy plum-colored hair this morning came into contact with the sunlight, it shone with a new kind of radiance.

For a brief moment, Lupin felt his breaths catch in his throat and his heart began to pick up speed and he thought it felt quite warm in this library all of a sudden.

Tonks looked…truly _stunning_. She—she was gorgeous, though he had known that from the first moment he had laid eyes upon her when he'd caught her fall when she had tripped over the troll leg umbrella stand in the hallway near Sirius's kitchen.

The soft golden light from the sun framed her beautifully, which, in Remus's mind, only made Tonks look that much more beautiful. Angelic, almost, he thought.

A warm feeling rested in his heart as he dared to meet her gaze, though as quickly as the unfamiliar and foreign feeling had arrived, it dissipated, and his heart plummeted to the pit of his churning stomach. How could a beast like him ever compare with someone so perfect as Dora?

How could she spend so much of her free time willingly with him, trapped here in Number 12 Grimmauld Place because he had nowhere else to go?

He had his tumbledown cottage in Wales, but he did not want Tonks to spend time in a place like that. Not when Tonks deserved so much better.

Though they had known each other going on an entire year now, Remus was not ashamed to admit that he felt humbled by the young witch, she who was so selfless.

Always fretting over Remus, concerned over whether or not he was taking his Wolfsbane Potion like he ought, even going out of her way to make it for him, making sure he took more during mealtimes to eat, she was almost as bad as Mrs. Weasley.

That she could _care_ about a werewolf-like him was almost unfathomable. _Why_? _How_? For how long would this sweet dream continue to last before she left him for good?

Before Tonks met a handsome, younger Auror at her job and started dating him?

 _Married_ him, even? Had a loving family with this nameless, faceless stranger of Remus's own mind that caused him to throttle his urge to roar like an enraged dragon. How long before this sweet, unattainable dream would come to a bitter end?!

" _Remus_." Tonks's voice was clipped and hardened, causing him to blink, the sound of her beautiful yet angered voice drawing Lupin's mind back to the present.

Lupin sighed as he looked at Tonks, realizing, as always in the end, he was only capable of hurting the people around him, especially those that he ever dared to love.

"Tonks," he began slowly and cautious, wincing as he realized just how pitifully defeated he sounded in this current moment, but Remus knew better than most that there was no other way. "You saw right through me, Nymphadora. Right from the start of our partnership, just like you are now. I—I want you to do better than me. I cannot get involved with you, much as I want it. And you can do better than me. You _should_."

Tonks bristled, stomping her foot, a temporary release of frustration. "And if I _don't_ want?" she challenged hotly, folding her arms across her chest, and huffing at him.

When he said nothing, staring at the young blonde coldly, she flinched, and painfully wrung her hands together, her nails digging into the skin of her palms.

"And then...I started to feel things for you, a-and I cannot explain it, but I care about you, Remus. More than I do myself."

Remus could hardly believe that he had actually placed her there. But that small twinge of caution that she harbored still towards him told her to tell him the truth because if she didn't, his wrath would only become ten times worse.

And for that, Remus had every right to be incredibly angry with her. She deserved whatever he was about to say to her. 

_”Tonks_." His voice was gentle, yet there was a firmness there that told her to look up. But she couldn't.

After all that she had done to him, she didn't deserve to look upon him ever again. How could she after it? "Tonks, I…" His voice trailed off as he lifted his hand to touch her shoulder, but Tonks quickly stepped away, refusing to meet his gaze.

"So…you want me to leave you," Tonks began slowly, her voice present again, but the young woman refused to look at him. "Because I had no right to get so close to you. I overstepped the boundaries. Because you do not think yourself worthy of my affections, given how you look. But don't you know there's more to love than just attraction?"

"No," he said without thinking. "No, Tonks, that is simply the reality that you and I live in, but it's—" But he did not get a chance to finish speaking.

"No. I understand," Tonks retorted, lifting her eyes at last and giving him a look of someone who had just woken up, realizing they had been in a dream. "I'll go."

"Tonks, no, that's not what I—"

But she was walking away from him. "If this is what you want, then who am I to argue?" she continued flatly, still averting her gaze. "This is, after all, _your_ decision, not mine. I don't choose _this_. I just thought…after the other night, that…maybe you felt it too, but I can see now…I was _wrong_. My _mistake_."

Tonks snatched her purse off the ground, slinging it over her shoulder, and abruptly turned away, preparing to leave.

Before she could take so much as a few steps, however, Remus grabbed her by the shoulders roughly, not wishing to have to resort to such drastic lengths, but she was giving him very little choice in this regard.

As he turned her towards him, he noticed the sheen of glistening tears welling in her gray eyes. "Tonks, you are misunderstanding me. I care for you, more than you can…possibly imagine," he said, his voice soft, desperate. Desperation. Truly?

He had never heard anything like that come out of his mouth before. "But as you have just said, this cannot continue," said Tonks, looking up at him with her brows furrowed.

She was calmer now, which was strange, given only a moment she looked like ready to start throwing things in anger at him. "I took things too far before you were ready if you ever were at _all_. I made a _mistake_ , Remus, it shouldn't have happened. I can see that now. I overstepped a line when I dared to get close to you. You are afraid to love back, because you're afraid your heart will be broken in the process, but guess what, Remus? That's love, sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's painful and…and…"

" _No, Tonks_!" he roared, finally losing the last vestiges of his patience. Remus, despite knowing that he really ought not to, took hold of her cheek, tilting it upward and forced her to look at him. Her skin was soft, just as he knew it to be, and this only made his heartache and things much worse for it. "You are better, have you not been listening to a single word I've said?" he demanded incredulously anyways but knowing it was unlikely that she would ever understand him. How could she?

She was born perfect, and he like this. "You can do better than me, and you should," he snapped, feeling the fire-seeds of jealousy well deep within the pits of his stomach at the thought of envisioning this creature before him with another man.

"I have," she snapped, her eyes flashing angrily. "Let go of me!"

He ignored this last request. "You deserve better, which is will I will—"

"No, you won't!" Tonks shouted. "You don't want me here anymore!"

Words flew from her mouth that she never thought she'd even think, let alone say out loud, and it was on the person she perhaps cared for the most.

She knew instantly from the look in his eyes that they'd hit their mark. In that instant, their relationship shattered into glassy shards. Nothing would ever be the same again, and they both knew this. 

They were both panting, Remus still cupping her cheek. Tonks's voice was cold, hollow, and he wondered why she was as upset as she was.

He figured maybe it was because she had grown used to her life in the Order, at Headquarters, and the people here, that she had no home, a place she could call that anymore. She almost looked guilty, though Merlin only knew why.

When she finally rose to confront him, Remus saw clarity in her haunting eyes, as well as confusion buried there. Her gaze trailed across his face, and he flinched as it finally rested on his eyes, just as he had looked at her many times over.

It was as if she no longer cared that he knew that she was looking at him. He had thought of it. It was Remus's turn to look incredulous now, as he stepped away. Tonks looked scared, scared of his reaction, but she took a step forward. "I don't want to deny how I feel anymore," she whispered. Her voice was resilient, but also on the brink.

"You only feel this way because you are _confused_ , Tonks, _not_ thinking clearly. You're upset. Angry. You'd do well to stay away from me, Nymphadora," he said coldly.

He dared not look back, for if he had, he would have seen her white face.

Tonks was far too pale, her knuckles white with suppressed rage, her shoulders shaking from the effort to restrain herself from lashing out.

"Okay, this is the part where you apologize to me for what you just said to me," she snarled through gritted teeth. "How dare you speak to me like that? Take that back, right now! So, I am confused but you are not?" Tonks retorted, frustration rising again. "I am not some idiot daft bimbo with no understanding as to her own feelings! It's clear this had nothing to do with me or my future here in the Order," she snarled. "You simply don't wish to confront the fact that something is there, something is _happening_ between us, something you cannot even begin to contemplate because of who you are, what I am. "Your scars, your lycanthropy, Remus, are not as bad as you make them out to be. Why can you not see that you are a _normal_ man with a beautiful smile, a kind personality, and a good, _good_ heart, and that you've caught my attention? Are you _blind_?" When he did not answer, she scoffed and rolled her eyes. "No, not blind. Just _stupid_."

This was what she thought of him, _really_ thought of him. Remus closed his eyes, letting a ragged breath escape from his mouth, exposing his feelings to Tonks at long last. Remus heard her timid footsteps as she approached him from behind, and he could feel the heat radiating off her body, reaching out to him, trying again.

Tonks was looking at him as though she had just had some sort of epiphany, for her eyes were growing wide and round with shock as she realized something.

"I see it now. You're _ashamed_ ," she breathed, her voice as hard now as his. "You are ashamed of me. That is what this is, though you don't wish to admit this." Remus felt his eyes fly open and he pulled himself towards her and cleared his throat before turning to look at Tonks again. " _Why_?" she asked, and the heartbreak in her voice was entirely too much.

"Tonks, if you stay here with me, then I…" Remus let his sentence drop, lifting his hand again as he winced and flexed his fingers, touching her face again, despite the anger displayed here, and he was surprised in that she did not turn away from him like he expected her to do.

He took a chance and stepped forward so he hoped she would understand, see what he was sure was displayed so clearly on his face now.

"I know what will happen if you stay," Remus whispered as he grimaced, hating how desperate his voice sounded. "You and I both know you could never truly…I could never be with you as a…"

 _Husband_ , his conscience finished. By Merlin's Light, he couldn't say it. It did not need saying, yet Tonks's eyes lifted abruptly, brightly shining with shock.

Clearly, she had not expected him to think that far. But he had. Oh, Merlin's beard, he had.

A million times over, in his wildest dreams, but it couldn't be. It just couldn't. Taking hold of her face now with both hands, Remus took the last few moments he had in her company to try and memorize every little detail of her face, the slight of her mouth, that strand of hair that always got in her way and never failed to annoy her.

If ever there was a time where he wanted to kiss her, this was it. Yet, in the end, his courage failed him.

He almost laughed, a bitter, cold laugh at himself. As if he had not wanted to this entire time, during their entire friendship and partnership in the Order. "I will not do that to you," Remus continued. "You deserve so much better. You deserve more than to be stuck here, and that is what will happen if you stay. I am disgraced, nothing more than a monster. I am no man. I will not drag you down to my level. I won't _do_ it, Tonks. I _won't_." _Even if you hate me for it_ , he thought, though he dared not speak of it.

Tonks looked as if she wanted to protest, but then she closed her mouth, realizing, Remus hoped, just as he had to, that he was right in this regard, as much as he did not want to be.

Remus had to fight very hard to relinquish his grip of her, to let go of this otherworldly creature, but he did. He let his hands slip from her cheeks, landing helplessly at his sides.

There was a horrible smothering sense of inevitability in the air, the only conclusion possible, really. But then Tonks spoke, shattering the silence.

"It is clear to me that you do not understand, and I don't know if you ever will, Remus." Her tone was clipped and hard, and her voice had seemed to come out of nowhere, and when Remus lifted his head to look up at her, he saw that her tears were now gone, and she looked almost like she had done when she'd entered his life.

"Tell me what it is I don't understand then," he snapped flatly.

"You do not understand at all. It's clear. My feelings on the matter hold no bearing to you. You have made up your mind, Remus, and I cannot deter you from your decision. Not only do you not understand me, but you don't understand yourself." Her words were strange, they sounded foreign to him, and she was talking now from some other place, someplace where he could not find her. "You are _wrong_ , Remus, when it comes to what you think is of value in this life. It is time that you started seeing yourself as a man. You are no monster, you're a _man_ , Remus, and you need to start seeing yourself as one. You're the only one saying you can't have a…love life," Tonks spoke up quietly. "I deserve to decide my own fate, as you have said throughout this conversation. You don't want me around anymore. You don't respect, not truly. I see it now."

He did not see Tonks leave. He turned away once she said her piece. It was all he would have of her, really. Her words.

But just before the door to the library closed, Remus heard her speak to him again. It was her final closing statement, which left him unable to find any sort of closure, only leaving him with further torment and anguish in his weak heart.

"You are the kindest man I have met in all my life," she said, though there was no warmth left in her voice. "I do not wish to see you hurt like everyone else I have known. Would you allow me to, I can help protect you, brew the Wolfsbane Potion for you, be your partner here in the Order, be a _friend_ to you, and maybe…" Here Tonks hesitated and bit her lip, fighting back her urge to break down and blinking back briny tears. "Maybe I could have even _loved_ you if you would have allowed me to, but I can see now that you don't want that because you're incapable of seeing yourself as I do, and you never will be. You want me to leave, so I'll go. Don't try to help me. You owe me _nothing_."

It had taken him a good minute or two to realize what she had said, for she had spoken so softly and without any kind of feeling in her voice at all. As he blinked, her words finally registering in the confines of his mind, he bounded towards the foot of the stairwell, only to find Molly waiting for him at the top step, with a cup of tea in her hands.

" _Where is she_?" he shouted, not caring what the aging witch must think of him.

"Who?" Molly retorted, looking quite surprised at his little outburst.

" _Tonks_!" Remus yelled, and silently fumed as he turned away from her.

"Oh," said Molly, appearing alarmingly calm. "Yes, well, she left, dear. Oh, don't worry," she added, noticing the look of dread creeping onto his face. "The poor dear didn't go very far. She's downstairs in the kitchens with Sirius, just…"

"In the…downstairs…" So, she hadn't left Headquarters after all, then. _Sneaky_. Remus turned away from Molly, mumbling a thank you under his breath as she gingerly set down a steaming mug of herbal tea and bread for him, murmuring to herself and occasionally, shooting Remus a look.

"I could hear the whole thing from downstairs," she snapped, and Remus was surprised at the coldness in the matronly witch's usually bright, jovial tone.

"Say something," Remus urged, suddenly feeling desperate, and he felt his breath hitch in his throat as Molly raised a finger, effectively shushing him.

Her brown eyes were listless and cold as she glowered at him, making him feel incredibly uncomfortable. " _You only feel this way because you are confused_." Her words were poisonous and felt very much like a stab to his heart as she reflected his own statement and threw it back in his face, feeling as though he'd been doused in ice water.

Remus's heart sank to the pit of his stomach as he wordlessly pulled up a chair and forced Molly to sit down. If there was anyone that could help him out of this, it was her. "Now—now that was a misunderstanding," he fumbled.

"This is me being _kind_ , Remus," she admonished, tossing her red hair over her shoulders, and putting her feet up on his table as she leaned back in her chair. "You made yourself look bad, Remus," Molly sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. "Here, give me, that," she snapped, pointing towards the bowl of nuts on the table. "Pass me a nut." He did so and waited for her to get settled as she took a handful of nuts and cracked them open. "Had I known you were that bad with women, I would have changed our entire strategy to something where you didn't talk," she snorted, rolling her eyes at the incredulous look of disbelief in his eyes.

"Molly—" he started to say, but she held up a hand and cut him off.

"I'm not going to lie to you. This is a _tragedy_. You _said_ you had a connection!" she protested, slamming the bowl of nuts down on the table.

"We—we did, we—I—I do," he stammered.

" _No_! No more talking. You've said _quite_ enough for today, Lupin. You've got one more chance. Tomorrow, when she's had time to cool off."

"What good is that going to do?" Remus snarled, not in the mood for this.

"I need you to go…sit in that corner of the table and marinate over what you've _done_ to that poor child downstairs. And I'm just going to lay here, rest my eyes and…try to shake off this afternoon," Molly grumbled darkly, leaning back against her chair, folding her hands across her stomach, closing her eyes. Remus fell silent as Molly prattled on something about manners, and he knew as he looked out the window of Grimmauld Place's library, that Tonks would never see him again.

It was for her own good. And his. Today had spelled the end of everything. This was simply how it was meant to go, and that was that, then.

Her beautiful features invaded his mind as he sat in the chair across from Molly, but unlike many times before, Remus didn't fight it this time, letting her tease as she smiled, but this time, it was a heartbroken smile. Tonks did not say it in so many words.

She thought he didn't know. Of course, he knew, he could see it in her eyes. He would be damned if he did not at least try to help her, to pay her back in some small way, considering she used her own income to purchase the ingredients for his Wolfsbane Potions. He would get his way, at least concerning that.

Remus wouldn't take her refusal for an answer. All this time, he'd been wondering how he felt about her, but he had not stopped to seriously consider the notion that… That she could dare to love a monster such as him, that she might actually return his affections.

Lupin shook his head violently to rid himself of these unhelpful thoughts following Molly Weasley's departure, once she'd realized he wasn't going to listen to her.

Maybe Tonks had thought she cared for him. But she only knew him as he was mostly after everything that had happened.

She could not love that monster, and yes, he had discovered he wasn't all he thought he was, but he was still very much that creature in the shadows. Looking back at his past conduct, he could see no reason for why she would care about a wolf-like him. Regardless, it didn't matter anymore. The young woman deserved better than him, even if she didn't know it yet, she would soon, of this Lupin was certain. She was better off without him. By severing all acquaintance with him, she could at least have some semblance of a normal life, and settle down with a man who was handsome, one who could provide for her, give her a normal life.

Or so he thought….

* * *

Remus blinked, jolted out of the unpleasant memory of their conversation, thinking that he was grateful the two of them had been able to come to a mutual understanding, that it had taken a lecture from Sirius _and_ Molly to make him see.

Lupin could not quite explain it to anyone, even if he had a wand pointed squarely at his chest, but he knew that he liked Nymphadora Tonks. A lot. As he stood outside of Dora's apartment, he wondered how long it took the average person to fall for someone else. A second? A month? A year? More than that? An eternity, maybe?

To him, it was like asking someone how long it took them to fall asleep. Some people were gone as soon as they hit the pillow. Others lay awake for hours and it was only when their brains stopped churning for a while that sleep snuck in and took them.

For Remus, it was almost instantaneous over the year of their friendship, though it had started the second their fingers had touched when he'd helped her up.

The morning leading up to this moment had ebbed by slower than old treacle. Lupin's usual relaxed slouch had been replaced by a stiff mannequin-esque pose. Tonks would be waiting for him outside her apartment, or so she had said when they'd left each other last night outside The Three Broomsticks.

Tonks with her haunting gray eyes and the warm, white, kind smile. He imagined touching her hair as he kissed her, feeling its softness, telling her a funny joke, taking her to Hogsmeade, or wherever she wanted to go tonight. He could already hear the chatter of the other patrons and taste the butterbeer.

There was something infectious about Nymphadora Tonks that made him feel young inside, but not in a childish way. She woke the pure side of him, the best side, all the facets of himself that only required love and affection to be healthy and whole, something he admittedly didn't get. _You like this one, don't you? What happens when she runs from you when she can't handle your condition when she sees how bad it is_?

He shook his head to shake off the voices. He hated listening to them. All the reasons not to do this came flooding in as if his body chemistry just sent them a blanket invitation. Lupin felt the soft panic that would grow or fade depending on what he chose to do next.

 _Go up there_! It would fade if he backed away, but then he'd have to do this again some other time. It would grow if he let these thoughts swirl into a vortex of stupidity, eating their own tail. Or he could cool it, breathe nice and slow, and let these dumb thoughts leak into the ether and be the leader. A different voice spoke up from within, offering gentle words of encouragement, something that was admittedly foreign to him in this life. _You can do this. Just…walk up there and knock on the door_!

Tonks had given him her address so that she could meet him outside her flat, right at six, right as she had said. He didn't know how easily she had gotten into his head. And he hated the fact that this young, beautiful witch could mess up his mind just so easily. He was a clumsy, insecure mess around women.

His childhood upbringing certainly hadn't helped matters, either.

Remus had always been afraid of love, especially after his mother, Hope, died, gone from this world much too soon. She had been the one encouragement in his life that had persisted in trying to get her only son to date, despite his condition. When his mother died, it felt as though he lost a part of himself.

Lupin didn't think he could stand getting his heart broken a second time. He was afraid of the feeling of someone staying in his heart, making him wonder all night whether she had feelings for him too. You know that kind of pain. Lupin knew pains in life were caused by being rejected when you made the conscious decision to give all your heart and soul to someone who didn't need it. Pains were caused by opening your heart so easily, so casually.

But here he was, alone, heartbroken, traumatized after only two rejections. Lupin was so lost in constructing scenarios for the evening ahead of them.

Remus was surprised at how far he'd come. Her apartment was in sight. But he wasn't here to just stake out her apartment, no, he was here to see Tonks. Lupin let out a tired sigh. He knew she would be in there, already looking like she'd been stood up, but she knew he would be late. Suddenly, all his preparations fled his mind like a scared kid. His brain felt full of static like a lost Patronus message that had lost the signal. He halted. Part of him was screaming to turn around, but he knew he couldn't.

His future was waiting for him in there...

**XXXXX**


	3. Of Doubts, Uncertainties, and Hope

**CHAPTER THREE**

**TONKS** stood in front of the mirror, scrutinizing her reflection with the usual expression she wore, nose scrunched up as though she were trying to decide what color to change her hair today. She bit her bottom lip and scowled, furrowing her eyebrows. Her outfit looked okay, she guessed.

Black boots, black leggings, black floral skirt, a dark blue sweater, and she'd opted to wear her hair loose, letting it cascade in natural waves and ringlets to just past her shoulders. Makeup simple and natural, with just a little pink lip gloss. Not enough to be too much, but to emphasize their fullness.

A startled little chirp emanating from her dresser caused Tonks to jump, whirling around on the heel of her black boot for the source of the noise, though she felt her shoulders relax and the corners of her mouth turn upward in a smile as she realized her pet Bowtruckle, Ptelea, was standing on top of her purse where she'd plunked it on her dresser and was glaring at her with narrowed beady black eyes, blowing a raspberry.

Tonks chuckled and held out the palm of her hand. "C'mon, Lea," she murmured in what she hoped was a soothing voice, using her Bowtruckle's nickname in an attempt to placate him. Ptelea, after a moment's hesitation of glancing at his owner's new outfit and hearing the light knock on the door at the front entryway of her flat, shook his leafy little head and blew a raspberry, earning a head shake from Tonks.

He wasn't particularly in the best of moods this dull, grey Saturday evening. Tonks didn't know if it were because she was going on a date and effectively leaving Ptelea behind to watch her flat (not that the Bowtruckle could help if an intruder entered and wrecked the place while she was out with Remus. Highly unlikely, but still a possibility.), or if it was because she had to put the Bowtruckle on a restrictive diet, per the order of Mr. Newt Scamander, when Ptelea had required an emergency house-visit from the old famed Magizoologist. Ptelea was eating too many fairy eggs and woodlice and was incredibly grumpy as the result.

Ptelea didn't like particularly take too kindly to strangers, and him meeting Remus in a few moments was going to be an interesting experience, for sure. She sincerely hoped he didn't attempt to gouge out Remus's eyes if the Bowtruckle decided he wasn't a fan of her partner in the Order. Tonks sighed, letting a shudder journey down her back as the pattering of his tiny legs crawled up her arm as the Bowtruckle settled on her shoulder.

"This behavior is entirely beneath you, Lea," Tonks grumbled.

She let out a tired sigh, tossing her hair back over her shoulder and slung the strap of her purse over her shoulder, holding her hand up to her right shoulder and allowing Ptelea to ride on her shoulder for now. Sooner or later, the little Bowtruckle was going to have to get used to Remus coming around.

"It's not my fault Mr. Scamander made me put you on a _diet_ ," Tonks scolded, stifling her little chuckle as the Bowtruckle blew a raspberry in her ear as she slunk out of her bedroom and headed for the front door of her flat. Tonks, drowning out the displeased chirpings and squeaks of Ptelea, felt herself inexplicably begin to grow nervous for her date with Remus, while at the same time overwhelmed by a powerful feeling of an unfamiliar elation.

She always had a bad habit of biting her nails whenever she was nervous. With the nail of her thumb in her mouth, she stared at the doorway.

On the other side of that door was Remus, who'd be waiting for her, probably looking annoyed at having to wait so bloody long while she got ready, but she hoped once he got a good long look at her outfit, his annoyance would melt away and he'd allow himself to enjoy the evening she had painstakingly planned for the two of them to enjoy downtown London. The Muggle way. No magic, no spells or Apparating anywhere.

Just the two of them, alone in each other's company.

Tonks bit down harder than anticipated and accidentally swallowed the fragment. Tonks curled her fingers into the palm of her hand, not even feeling her fingernails dig into her skin. Y _ou're nervous. Don't deny it. You're facing an entire evening alone with him. It's what you've wanted, but still, you need tonight to go well. Tonight, you should tell him how you truly feel about him so you can stop hiding your true emotions. You're falling in love with him._

Tonks winced. She felt she had known it for a while now, but how Lupin would react, she didn't know. Tonks frowned, her fingers curling into a fist over the strap of her purse, though she made no move when she heard Lupin knock again. She bit the wall of her cheek in fear.

_How long I've wanted this, someone who can accept me for who I am, not for who everybody else seems to want me to be. Oh, Merlin's Beard. What if—what if he doesn't feel the same way? Then what? What happens after that? What if I— No. Don't think about it. Don't let yourself. You saw how he was looking at you last night, he wants you, there's no denying it. He's falling in love with me; too, I just know it_.

There was a bright flame in the young witch's soul. Always burning in the hopes of finding a life partner. It never died out. Always ready to start a new blaze. That was why she always tried to stay optimistic, especially now.

Tonks could feel the positive energy flowing in her veins until it rekindled and sparked the flame anew yet again. The spark of hope that Remus gave her any time she spent more time with him was constantly there, she could feel it. It was a feeling that she never had before, but she welcomed it.

The young Auror and witch could not quite explain it, but she felt as though her growing affection for the werewolf and wizard outside her door burned with a passion hotter than any dragon fire could ever flame. She could tell last night, Lupin had gotten a strange, almost impenetrable look in his eyes.

That _he_ felt it too, that unimaginable churning desire that had been building inside her own chest for weeks during their partnership in the Order.

He had to be the one. Remus was all that was on her mind, especially now. His eyes held a certain softness to them. There was something welcoming in those light brown but rich eyes of his. Tonks felt a little more lost, a little more at home the longer they spent around one another.

_But what if he…?_

_No_ , a different voice spoke up, stronger than her doubt. _Don't think about it. He obviously likes you, or HE wouldn't have been the one to ask you out tonight_. Tonks gave her head a violent little shake to clear it, brought back to the present reality of her current situation, which was a date with Lupin.

And he was waiting for her on the other side of her front door. _Oh, my Merlin, I think I…might actually love him_ , she thought, biting her bottom lip.

_I don't know what to do about it_! "What should I do?" she whispered.

Ptelea responded with a raspberry, and he shot her a narrowed look, his limbs on what she guessed were supposed to be his hips if he'd had any. As if to say, "Aren't you going to open the door? Get it over with."

Steeling herself, ensuring Ptelea remained firmly perched on her shoulder, her purse strap slung over the other, she strode towards the door.

Remus was, like it or not, her one stable force in her otherwise chaotic and sometimes messy life. She so desperately needed that stability in her life.

She needed Lupin if he would have her after tonight if their date went well and they dared to take the next step in…whatever their relationship was. Tonks was in love with Remus John Lupin, and she couldn't believe she only realized that.

_Merlin's Beard. I think that I might I love him_ , she thought wildly, biting her lip as she closed her eyes for a moment, before giving her appearance one final check and flinging the door open. Her future was waiting for her on the other side of her door.

* * *

Lupin felt like he was drowning with no hope of being saved. The blackness of his memories started to spread through his mind, clouding his thoughts and taking him back to places, times that he never wanted to revisit. Things he would rather forget. He just wanted them gone. Was that too much to ask for? Just when he thought all hope was lost, and he allowed himself to succumb to the darkness of his own mind, he heard Dora's voice.

Her sweet voice calling his name, sounding like heaven when it came from her if heaven even _existed_ for a damned creature, a werewolf-like him. Hearing Nymphadora Tonks's voice was like hearing a ray of sunshine in the darkness of his lonely and miserable past.

Her voice guided him back to reality. She was his anchor in their partnership. Tonks gave him hope when there was none. How quickly the bright young Auror and newest Order member had made an impression on him in the year of their new partnership.

Remus thought for certain he was dying. _I have to be_ , he thought as he stared at the front stoop that he knew led up to Tonks's flat, seeing her, but not.

So engrossed in his own thoughts, trying and feeling like he was failing to clear his mind, really needing a minute, he did not see Tonks descend the steps with her pet Bowtruckle on her shoulder, and he completely missed Tonks speaking to the twig-like forest creature in scolding tones, slipping him into an outside pocket of her black purse, so he could hide in relative comfort.

A tightness in his chest sent horrible pangs down into the churning pit of his stomach. _Am I having a heart attack? What is happening to me, then_? Mrs. Weasley back at Headquarters before he'd left to come to pick Tonks up had laughed at him good-naturedly, stating that it was euphoria doing this, why he couldn't eat, breathe, or sleep.

Why he could think of nothing but Tonks.

_No, no. I can't be having a heart attack. Merlin's Beard, I'm only thirty-five. Far too young and healthy…_ Remus furrowed his brows in a frown and ran a hand over his light, rough and coarse beard, wincing at the two-day stubble that graced his jaw. Bloody _hell_.

He'd forgotten to shave. He _knew_ he'd missed something! Lupin had spent the entirety of his day leading up to this moment in a daze.

Reliving the moment last night outside of The Three Broomsticks where Tonks had kissed his cheek. Lupin had thought for certain Tonks would reject his offer to allow him to take her on a date tonight after their argument. And he would not have blamed her if she did, though she had completely blindsided him by agreeing, saying yes, and the look in her eyes… He was not likely apt to forget it.

_How could I_? Tonks had looked _hopeful_. As though Dora could think of nothing more exciting than the idea of spending an evening with him.

And then there was that moment last night. Tonks had a look in her eyes. As though she wanted to go further, though was able to show a remarkable restraint that he was sure he lacked. _I know that look. Lily would get it whenever she used to look at James. I used to pray a witch would look at me that way but…I didn't think it would leave me feeling like this. What if—what if she tries to kiss me again? What, then? What if I hurt her? She almost k_ —though Remus was not given a chance to finish his thought as he felt a light tapping sensation on his shoulder.

A woman's hand. Lupin had spent most of the day at Grimmauld Place with Sirius and Mrs. Weasley, willing his nerves to calm down, growing agitated when they wouldn't. Tonight was the foundation of their new relationship, a step further from just coworkers and partners in the Order.

Remus had a horrible sinking feeling he was falling in love with Tonks and he hoped to tell her how he felt about her tonight, but what would she say? He did not consider himself worthy of her affections, the savage Wolf that he was. Lupin cringed, continuing to run his hand along his two-day stubble, wishing he'd bloody thought to shave before leaving Headquarters.

He cursed himself for his foolishness, grinding his teeth. Remus knew better than most that he wasn't exactly much to look at, with his facial scars.

Even Muggles in the streets of London tended to shirk away from him, recoil in fear and disgust when they approached. Some held looks on their faces that suggested they pitied him, but he did not want nor did he need their pity.

Tonks was willing to look past his unfortunate visage. He was well aware that he was not what most witches and wizards in their polite society would consider handsome, though Sirius preferred the term 'rugged.'

It did not exactly make Remus feel better about his insecurities and self-consciousness when it came to the unfortunate subject of his looks.

Arthur and Molly, and Sirius, Merlin bless them all, had tried to reassure Remus that he had nothing to worry about, but they couldn't help.

_You're ready_. Molly's words of gentle reassurance filled Lupin's mind as he slowly turned around to see what—or who—had tapped his shoulder.

_That's easy for you to say, Molly_ , Remus thought darkly, rolling his eyes as he turned all the way around to face the person trying to garner his attention. _You've enjoyed a comfortable, long marriage and seven children with Arthur for years. My kind doesn't usually breed, let alone attempt to date, really_.

This much was true. Just by taking this next step, he was defying the socially acceptable norms for other werewolves in Great Britain, by seeing her.

The only thing the three of them had been able to help Remus with was figuring out what to wear to make a good, lasting impression on Dora.

_Not that you need to worry about that, Moony_ , James's voice piped up from the recesses of his head, exuding confidence. Between the three of them, Mr. Weasley and Molly had painstakingly mended one of his finer brown suits, while Mrs. Weasley graciously trimmed his light brown hair for him, ensuring not a stray strand of hair was out of place, except for that one stubborn, coarse lock of his bangs that tended to fall in front of his face like a curtain at times.

Right now, Remus's mind was preoccupied, plagued with ensuring that he neither looked nor smelled funny and with not making a fool of himself.

_It's not too late to turn around_ , the dark, snake-like voice inside his mind advised, that sounded too much like Severus Snape for Lupin's comfort.

But he couldn't. he had promised Dora that he would take her out. So, here he was. Cold sweat glistened on his furrowed brow. With his hands clasped tightly in front of his stomach, he constantly fiddled with his knuckles, weaving his fingers in and out of each other.

_Oh, Merlin_ , he thought, suppressing a groan. _What is she going to say? For that matter, what am I going to say? It's been so long since I've had another woman in my life to talk to like this, not since Lily_. A muscle twitched involuntarily at the corner of his right eye, his mouth formed a rigid grimace as he swatted his hand, waving away any thoughts of his friend away for right now.

Right now, he wanted to think of _her_.

_How is it someone like Tonks can come into my life and it feels like I can't go another day without her? She's…she's perfect. I've never met someone like her. She's beautiful, kind, sweet, everything I could want in a potential partner, but I…oh Merlin's Beard, listen to me. Merlin damn her, Molly was right! I—I want to date her, and I've no idea what she'll say._ He tapped his foot restlessly and all the while stared at the door, wondering when she would show, briefly, his mind wandered to his dark place.

_What if she stood you up? After all, what woman in her right mind would ever want to pursue a romantic relationship with someone like you, a monster? Greyback was right. I'm a monster, a wolf, not capable of having a mate, a partner. A family; I need to stop trying to pretend to be something that I'm not. I can't do this. No. Don't think like that. You saw the way she was looking at you earlier today, when she looks at you, she sees something entirely different. Tonight, you're going to find out_.

This fitfully calm evening in the middle of October would either see the dawn of his new life or snap his dreams in two. Another autumnal breeze rustled his hair, and he could smell the distant heady scent of rain. The early evening sky was a diffuse ocean above him, lessening the inky blackness of the night, but not so bright as to dull the stars that glittered in the heavens above. It was beautiful. His thoughts were interrupted as he finally saw her.

He felt guilty as he looked at her, his thoughts so preoccupied, lost in his thoughts, he hadn't even noticed her, standing there, waiting for him to notice her. When she moved into the light emanating from the streetlamp outside her apartment complex, reflected her beauty, making her silhouette even more radiant and ethereal than he thought possible. A goddess of light.

Her pale skin was a creamy white as the streelight shone down onto her, and he wondered briefly if he reached out to touch her, would he only graze the air, as if she were nothing more than a spirit, a ghost. The beauty with the hauntingly tragic gray eyes.

She'd donned a new outfit for their evening out, one he hadn't seen her wear before, but he knew just by looking at it, it was now his favorite on her, it brought out her eyes. _It's perfect for you_ , he thought, feeling the beginnings of a light, crooked grin starting to form on his lined face.

A pleasant scent filled the air around them and he realized quickly that it was her hair. Her hair smelled of apples and the fall season. He grinned as he took in her outfit. Blue sweater, a black floral skirt, leggings, boots. Blue was one of his favorite colors, and it was a color that suited her well and he loved it on her. James's voice piped up at the back of his mind, sounding annoyed.

_She's waiting for you to say something, you idiot! Compliment her; tell her how pretty you think she looks! It's not that hard, just open your mouth and say something!_ Tonks looked at him, patiently waiting, a bemused smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. _Damn. Merlin's left… What the hell do I say? Oh, no…_

_You can do this_ ; a different voice spoke up. His mother's voice. Hope. _You weren't this bad when your friend Lily was still alive, were you? No, you weren't. See how she's looking at you, she wants you. You're a fool if you can't see it._ James and his mother's voices rang in his ears _._

_You're blind; open your eyes before you miss what's right in front of you_. Now Lily was taking over.

Flustered, he ran a hand through his thick, freshly trimmed tuft of light brown hair and took a deep breath. "You look…beautiful," he finally managed.

She dipped her head. "Thank you," she said quietly. Tonks bit her lip playfully as she admired his new attire. "You clean up great!" she complimented, flashing a brilliant white smile his way that made his heart stop. She carefully opened the compartment of her purse and checked on her squeaking Bowtruckle, dipping her finger down into the pocket of her bag to stroke one of the leaves on its head. "Hope you don't mind I'm bringing Ptelea along," she began, sounding apologetic. "He's rather ornery, I'm afraid, has attachment issues, but he knows to _behave_ himself and not make a _squeak_ or he won't get dinner tonight," she scolded, addressing her Bowtruckle, before turning her head back to Remus.

To his surprise, Tonks didn't wait for Remus to offer her his arm, even though he'd been fully intending to. She took initiative and intertwined her arm with his, beaming up at him, for the first time in a long time, giving him the feelings of hope. _Hope_ , he thought. I _haven't felt this way in such a long time_.

Something that he hadn't even known he missed in his life.

"You do too," he said. "Blue is a good color for you, Tonks. It brings out your eyes."

"Please," she interjected, holding up a hand. "Call me Dora, if—if you want," she stammered, blushing slightly. "My family does, and you've certainly earned the right. You're my partner, aren't you, Remus?" she complimented, reddening at his beautiful smile he gave her. The beginnings of hope continued to swell in his chest. "It works both ways," she added, giving him a quick once over as she assessed his form underneath his clothes. "I like the suit. Brown is a good color for you. It sets off your hair," she teased, reaching up a hand to playfully tousle his hair. He felt the chills erupt all over his skin.

Lupin smiled and thanked her with his eyes, thinking how wonderful it felt for her to be holding his arm. It was such a simple gesture, but to him, it meant the world. To him, it was everything he'd hoped for. He cleared his throat and tried to think of something to say. "I um…London at night is really beautiful."

_Like you. Merlin helps me, don't blow this, you need tonight to go well. Stay calm._ He clenched his teeth in minor annoyance at his nervousness.

"Yes?" she encouraged, barely fighting back her smile.

"Well, I—I just thought that you know, if you hadn't seen any of the city yet for yourself since you just moved to London a few months ago now that you're out of your parents' house, then I could…show you," he finished, turning away sharply for a moment.

_Oh no, what is wrong with me? I can't even form a cohesive sentence when I'm around her, that's just what she does to me! Keep it together, don't lose your head._

Tonks smiled, her eyes twinkling. "I'd like that." She hesitated as she looked out into the massive city before them, her brow furrowed slightly.

He noticed and frowned. "Did you have anything, in particular, you'd like to see?" he asked, wondering if he should have asked this first.

She craned her neck up to smile at him, feeling dwarfed in his company, but she'd never felt safer. Tonks couldn't explain the feeling, but she knew as long as she was with Remus, she would be safe, as long as she stayed near him and didn't stray too far. Not that she wanted to.

"Whatever you'd like to show me, the night is ours. I've nothing but time on my hands, and nowhere to be in the morning, so, please…feel free to show me whatever you want! But…I thought it would be fun if we tried something different tonight if you're up for it. Something different than Hogsmeade for a change, Remus," she chirped happily, giving his arm a gentle squeeze. "Shall we?" she asked, a nervous laugh escaping her.

The young Auror coughed once with her hand to cover it, but there was no masking it.

"Of course," Lupin murmured pleasantly by way of response.

Remus quirked his brow at her. _Is she nervous?_ He wondered incredulously, hardly daring to believe it. _What does she have to be nervous for, she—she's not the one whose entire life hinges on tonight going well or not. She has nothing to lose by rejecting me_ , he thought sadly. T

Tonks surprised him by taking the first steps off her flat. She turned and waited, sensing his hesitation. There was no turning back after this.

_But look at how she's smiling at you. How can you resist that smile? Go on. Just move off the damn ledge, you can do it. Tonks is here. You're not alone in this. And maybe, she's just as lonely as you are_. _She's not giving you a chance to think it. Look, she's started walking away; she's going to leave you! Move; go after her, you idiot!_ Lily's voice was raging in his ears. _You fool, don't let her slip away. Go after her! Go with her._

He didn't give himself a chance to second guess. Tonks smiled knowingly as if she knew exactly what he was thinking.

He could only watch, stunned, as she reached out her hand for him to take.

"I don't _bite_ , Remus," Tonks teased, a shy smile on her lips. "Please don't make me go by myself. I've been looking forward to this."

Remus grinned and took her hand, enjoying the smooth, warm feeling of her skin against his. _Is this real?_ He was holding her hand.

She hadn't flinched or turned away in disgust. Doing his best not to show how nervous he was, he muttered a silent prayer under his breath to Merlin if Merlin or anybody else up there was looking out for him.

Remus glanced at Tonks out of the corner of his eye.

He could see the bruise underneath her eye from where the ghoul in the upstairs toilet had thrown a metal rod at her head back at Headquarters when the pair of them had helped Molly purge the place, had faded to almost practically nothing, and the cut on her hand had healed.

Remus shook his head to clear his mind and returned his attention to the beautiful woman currently holding his hand.

Hopefully, by the end of tonight, he'd learn what her intentions were. He'd hoped to ask her if he could officially date her, but he decided to let fate play out as it would first.

"I thought I'd show you the city. Have you seen it yet?" he questioned. "How much of London have you seen?"

"I'd like that," she spoke up. "I—I haven't, I'm afraid. Between Auror duties at the Ministry and our shifts for the Order, I haven't had much time to get out as I'd like," Tonks murmured, looking away and furrowing her brows.

_I've been looking forward to this all day,_ she thought, flashing a charming smile Remus's way _. Don't let your damned bloody doubting mood over what you think he's thinking ruin it_ , her voice warned. _Focus on Remus. He's all that matters. Before the night is over, you'll tell the man how you feel, and your dream will either be made, or your heart broke again, but either way, I'm telling him the truth. I—I have to. I can't do this to Remus. Not now._

"I never thanked you earlier. From the other day, I mean," Tonks clarified, noticing the confused look in his eyes.

"There's no need to thank me," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I did what I had to. Molly should never have asked you to get up on that ladder and help get rid of those Doxies, you were lucky you weren't killed when you fell!" he growled darkly. "I don't know _what_ she was thinking of when she asked you, _I_ should be the one apologizing to you for putting you through all of that."

"I—still."

Remus noticed Tonks was looking suddenly uncomfortable and flustered as if she were currently fighting back against something and losing.

"What is it?" he urged. "What's wrong?"

_What did I say to offend her? Look at the light dimming in her eyes, what is going through her mind? I—this was a mistake; you never should have suggested this. It's not too late to turn around. Go on_.

As she looked at him, his heart practically shattered into a million fragments. Her eyes held such heartbreak.

_Who hurt you? Who broke your spirit, Tonks?_

"I..." she began, but her voice cracked, and she blinked back the beginning of tears. "I—I have something I need to say," she managed to gasp out. "I don't quite know how to say it, but I—I need to, so just let me say this, please…"

He sighed, knowing where she was going with this. "I should have known," he muttered quietly. "Come, we should go back," he said softly, doing his best not to sound so dejected in front of her. "It's late, anyway."

She stared at him in disbelief. "I—what are you talking about?" she demanded, her voice trembling. "Tell me!"

Remus turned his turn to look at her. "I'm taking you back home. This was a _mistake_ ," he growled darkly. "I never should have suggested it, I—I was a _fool_ to think that I had any hope of having someone beautiful like you in my life, I don't know what I was thinking, I never should have—"

But he didn't get a chance to finish his sentence as Tonks's lips brushed against his. Not innocently, like a tease, but her kiss was fiery, hot, and demanding.

The voices in his head were screaming at him to pull away, to break it off before his heart got broken again, but he can't. Her kiss was so unexpected, it caught him off guard.

Lupin wanted to pull away, to stop, to ask Tonks what she thought she was doing, but he couldn't.

At the moment, his senses became seduced and he could no longer think straight.

_I think I…I think I love her_ , he thought wildly.

James's suggestive comments filled his mind. _That's the BEST you can do, Moony? This is bloody embarrassing, this is. But Merlin's left saggy buttock, don't be afraid to you know, really get into it. Good Lord, I'm embarrassed FOR her. Use your hands; show her you care about her. It's all about body language, you know_.

Remus hardly had time to react as her kiss deepened and became more passionate. Inexperienced though he was, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to get lost in her kiss.

She pulled away first, taking deep, shallow breaths and gasping for air as she caressed either side of his face with her hands, a shy, brilliant smile on her lips and a fire in her eyes that he hadn't seen before.

"I—I what was… _that_? Tonks?" he demanded, swallowing hard. "What _was_ that?" he gasped, hardly daring to believe it.

Tonks smiled. "I believe they call that display of affection a kiss," she teased. "Do you _get_ it now, Remus?" she demanded, a fire igniting in her eyes. "Or do I need to spell it out for you?" she asked, a hint of steel laced in her voice.

"I—that felt…" _Amazing. Wonderful. Right. True_.

"Good?" she asked, quirking her brow at him. She blushed and let out a nervous laugh, reaching up a hand to brush back a strand of hair behind her ear. "It's supposed to. I—I hope that I didn't cross a line, I—I've wanted to do that all day, Remus."

She reached up a hand to caress his cheek, her fingertips grazing the edges of his scars, even the one that ended at the corner of his lip and pulled it down slightly in a somewhat twisted and permanent grimace, giving him a look like he was constantly scowling, which unnerved most when they first saw him.

He shuddered as a pleasant tremor went down his spine as he caught her hand mid-gesture and held it, thinking how nice it felt.

"I like you," she said shyly, quietly. "A lot," she whispered. "And I never..." she paused as her voice trailed off, looking pained. "I never want to hurt you. I think I... never mind, it's _stupid_ , you'll think I'm _dumb_ , Remus, forget I said anything," she whispered, her voice breaking slightly as she swallowed hard.

"I…" there was so much he wanted to say to her, but he couldn't.

_What just happened?_ He thought.

A knowing smile crept over her beautiful features as she came up to him, snaking her arms around his neck. Tonks bit her lip playfully, her gray eyes twinkling.

"This is the part where you're _supposed_ to kiss me again if you liked it," she joked.

When she smiled at him, he lost all semblance of control. Unable to fight back against his urge anymore, he held her close, holding her head in his hands, and pulled her close for another passionate kiss.

As he kissed Tonks, his brain lit on fire and every touch of hers sent his mind reeling, sending warmth throughout his entire body. After her first kiss, he was addicted.

_I—I love her_ , he thought as he lost himself to their kiss. Remus dedicated his life to Tonks from the moment of their first kiss.

She was now the new half that made him whole. He would live for her kiss and he'd die with the memory of it forever on his lips.

Her kisses were his salvation and his torment both, helping and haunting him. He pulled apart first and back to study her face.

Tonks's face was pale, though flushed pink with color, a tiny grin creeping onto her cheeks as she reached out her hand and laced her fingers with his, shifting her purse to her other shoulder.

"C'mon, it's already getting dark out, and we're wasting time," she murmured, a note of excitement in her voice. "Our date tonight, I thought we could do it the Muggle way," she grinned, noticing Lupin's look of a perplexed but pleasant surprise. "No magic, no doing things the 'easy' way for us. Just you and me, Remus."

Lupin blinked once or twice as his mind struggled to process what Tonks was suggesting, before he quickly nodded his agreement, a soft smile forming on his lips.

"I'd like that, Dora," he murmured into the shell of her ear, pulling her close and pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead. "I'd like that a lot."

Encouraged by his gentle words, Tonks erupted into such a blindingly white smile that caused his heart to flutter unexpectedly against his chest.

Remus felt sure that no other witch in this entire world held such a smile, and he allowed Tonks to take his hand and lead him into the city of London.

He allowed himself to follow the young witch's lead, never once relinquishing his grip on Dora's hand as she started to zigzag through the bustling sidewalks and side streets of downtown London, as he trailed behind the woman who he now knew to be hopelessly and desperately in love with.


	4. A Conversation in the Cafe

**CHAPTER FOUR**

**THE** first thing Remus noticed about Tonks up close and personal like this as she wound her way expertly through the crowded streets of London until the two of them stopped at a quaint little café was Dora's smile.

He thought it was the prettiest thing he had seen in a long time, for it extended into her eyes and deep into her soul.

Remus could tell by the way that Tonks walked that the young witch was insecure. Her shoulders were hunched over as if hiding the true treasure inside of her. Her footsteps in her black leather boots with the pointed heel were light and timid as she gave him a quick peck on the cheek that left a fire burning where her lips had lingered.

"Wait here a second. I'll be back. Grab us a table, won't you? Since it's getting kind of late, I thought you and I could sit inside over a cup of hot chocolate. This place might be run by Muggles, but my mum and dad used to take me here all the time as a kid. The owners make a cup of cocoa-like no one else; they could give Honeydukes a run for their money," Tonks murmured happily, her light gray eyes twinkling playfully as she shot him a slight and kind smile. Remus followed Tonks's gaze and saw the building she referred to.

The tiny café huddled despondent amongst the huge city buildings. Their destination. Lupin had been so lost in constructing scenarios for the evening ahead that he was surprised to see how far they had come; the café Tonks was seemingly leading him to already in her line of sight. There was nothing slick about the place. No fancy fonts or white etching upon the glass windows.

You could pick the whole establishment up and send it back thirty years into the past, and it wouldn't necessarily look out of place. There weren't any tables with fancy umbrellas, just the uneven pavement bearing the cracks of age. Washed out under the overcast sky as the sun slowly dipped below the horizon, it hunched in itself, fighting against the drizzling rain.

Hundreds of people rushed by it on the sidewalk outside. The half a dozen customers glanced up, interested in a moment, as the door swung open, heralded by a blast of cold October wind, shivering.

Unlike the outside, the interior of the café was warm and cheery, with bright lights and colorful walls. The customers returned to their conversations as the door swung closed behind the new entrants and the cold breeze was soon forgotten.

"Come on, Remus, you're going to really love this place, I think. Their hot chocolate is the best!" Tonks encouraged, a note of hope in her voice as she captured his hand within hers. She smiled at him again and offered a shy little wave, shifting her black purse to her other arm as they entered into the café, their eardrums greeted by the sound of chattering patrons of the café lost in the throes of their own conversation and the sweet sound of smooth jazz music. Tonks was cautiously watching Remus through skittish, wide eyes, and for a moment, he frowned, pondering the reason for Dora's sudden behavior.

He could only imagine what must be going through her mind. Thoughts like, 'What does he think of me? Does he like me? Will I say the right thing?' Remus knew those thoughts all too well and had been fighting insecure thoughts of his own all throughout their walk so far, unbeknownst to Tonks, and he liked to hope that it was going to stay that way. His fears and uncertainties over this date were his burdens to bear, never Dora's. _Not_ hers.

Lupin smiled at Dora, hoping to lighten the burden his partner she carried on herself. Then something amazing happened, like a light turning on in a dark room. Tonks, sensing she was being watched, slowly turned around from her place in line to place their orders, her fingers curling tightly over the strap of her purse, and she smiled back.

The way her lips lifted upwards. The way her one dimple crinkled whenever Remus was lucky enough to see Tonks's smile. The way her white teeth were perfectly aligned, the warm glow her happiness gave off. Her smile was a soft golden ray of sunshine, Remus thought. _Smiles really do have power,_ he mulled over this as Tonks slowly turned back around, a sheepish little grin on her face.

They could reach places the sun couldn't and warmed his soul, and he wanted to keep her warmth. To bottle off the warmth, she gave off and bask in it. If such magic were possible, to contain it in a tiny glass vial and keep it corked, sealed off, and tucked in an interior pocket of his jacket, close to his heart where it belonged.

It felt like his focus was so scattered, so filled with nervous anticipation, so excited, that he'd not been able to hold a conversation or even sit still in his chair as he picked a small table huddled near the corner of the café's front window, his leg tapping restlessly while he waited for Tonks to come back.

His thoughts danced in infinite directions, yet he had to get through this date with Dora in one piece. She wouldn't want to see him again if he was such a nervous wreck that he made a poor first impression in front of Tonks. Lupin wasn't exactly sure what Dora had in mind for tonight, but whatever it was, he could picture it already, providing the weather cooperated.

A sheen of sweat starting to throng on his brow, he cast his gaze to his immediate left and looked out the window, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as the swooping fog rolled in and skirted around the cobblestone street. _Damn_ , he thought, grinding his teeth in annoyance, glancing down at his hands, which were resting on top of the table and shaking slightly, timidly.

Remus had been hoping at some point tonight to take her for a walk.

Holding hands, a tingling feeling spreading throughout his entire body. He would take her for a walk through the park to get away from the London crowd of downtown, sit on a blanket with her near the edge of the pond, count the ducks.

It seemed like it was the most natural thing in the world, to be with her. She, his special woman, and he hoped by the end of the night, to solidify that desire and make it a reality if Tonks would open up and let Remus in.

Tonks, for her part, waited patiently in line, the line of customers slowly shuffling to the front as she bit her lip in nervous anticipation.

"Definitely one of the chocolate muffins this place is getting famous for," Tonks murmured under her breath. "And two of the hot chocolates…"

A light, low chuckle reached her eardrums, coming from immediately behind her, causing Tonks's ears to perk up at the noise. Startled, she whirled around on the heel of her boot, feeling her fingers curl instinctively into a protective fist over the strap of her black purse, her fingers twitching as she fought back the urge to unzip the main compartment and pull out her wand.

Her bag had been enchanted with an Extension Charm, so she could slip her wand into her purse and not have to carry it with her in front of Muggles. The last thing she wanted was for her date with Lupin to end up with a summons to appear in front of the Wizengamot for breaking the Statute of Secrecy. Tonks blinked owlishly at the man standing casually in line in front of her.

He offered her what she thought was supposed to be a charming white smile. Cute, she guessed, or perhaps under different circumstances, Tonks would have thought this man in his early thirties to be cute, if she weren't so infatuated and hopelessly knew herself to already be in love with Remus Lupin.

Who was waiting patiently for her to come back, having found them both seats in the corner of the front of the restaurant, near the front window.

Tonks felt the edges of her lips curl upwards in a soft smile as the young witch was able to observe the older wizard and her partner undetected for a moment, and she seized the opportunity. No one particular feature, at least in Tonks's eyes, made Remus John Lupin so quite perfect for her, and handsome. While Remus wasn't particularly a handsome man, in terms of his looks, thanks to the scars on his face, Tonks did not care about his looks.

The three scars on his face were, she hated to admit this, monstrous in every way, shape, and form. When she had first met Remus, her first thought of her new partner was that his poor face had looked like it had been viciously mauled by a savage dog.

This was of course before she knew the truth of his lycanthropy.

The scars were long, jagged, and snaked diagonally down his face, starting at just above his right browbone and working its way down the poor man's face until they reached the edge of Remus's lip, which tugged it down slightly in a minor twisted and permanent grimace, that always caused him to look as if he were scowling, which of course, was not the case with Remus.

They were unusual looking scars, an odd mixture of bright white and light pink. The skin around the man's scars was also slightly discolored, suggesting that, at the time that the Wolf within him had scratched himself, it had never healed properly.

Tonks watched sadly, undetected by Lupin, as the man slowly unclenched one of his fists and brushed it down along his scars, tracing the jagged line of those monstrous markings with the pads of his fingers.

They truly were something, a sight to behold, though Tonks didn't bloody give a damn, though there was no denying the fact that Remus John Lupin was not exactly a handsome man. Definitely not handsome, but rugged.

That while, yes, upon first glance, his scars were truly grotesque and horrific to set your sights on, the fact that there was more to infatuation and love than just physical attraction, and Remus John Lupin possessed all of the qualities in a partner, romantically and otherwise, that she could ever want.

No one feature in her mind made Lupin so handsome, as Tonks had chosen wisely to look past the scars. Though she guessed his eyes came close.

People often spoke of the color of eyes, as if that were of importance, yet his would be beautiful in any shade. From those myriad hues of light brown that reminded Tonks of hot chocolate on a cold winter's night, or the oak of an old barn door, came an honesty, an intensity, and a gentleness. Perhaps that was what was meant by a gentleman, she pondered.

What he was, what was so wonderful about Remus, what was beautiful of the man in her mind, came from deep within. Not his looks. Tonks loved him for his kind, good, pure heart, and his ability to make her laugh.

It made her want to feel again how his lips moved in a kiss, how his hands would follow the curves of her body.

Maybe later when they weren't out in public like this. Tonks let out a tiny sigh and turned away.

She knew that, as each year passes, the lines will deepen upon his face, but in her eyes, Remus would be more handsome still for it. The stranger in front of her coughed once to clear his throat, seemingly a show of nervousness, forcing Tonks to tear her gaze reluctantly away from Remus and forcing her attention to return to the man standing in front of her.

Tall, though not as tall as Remus. Remus stood somewhere around 6'3, and she put this new man at around 5'9 or so, she guessed, if she had to pinpoint his age. Younger or around the same age as Lupin, give or take a few years. Not quite so many lines on his face, but dark circles underneath his eyes.

He appeared to be in his early thirties. His hair was done very nicely, he had some form of oil mixed in to give a short but noticeable wavy form to the black strands. His forehead was almost square, large, and imposing, but not laughably so. A few lines were laid upon it, but they were dismissive as tricks of light. His eyebrows were impossibly straight, his eyes made of rich forest green.

Eyes that told of many secrets but held them locked in a strongbox so beautiful that you wouldn't dare to open in fear of what you might find within. The most striking feature was the pencil-mustache. It highlighted the frown placed upon his mouth and somehow made him seem more authoritative than his aura already suggested.

If one ventured close enough, his mahogany eyes would hungrily envelop yours and pull your feet towards him. It was nothing he did precisely, it just looked as if he had a secret you would enjoy hearing about.

"Definitely the chocolate," the man murmured in a low baritone voice, smooth as silk, and languid-sounding, his green eyes twinkling in amusement.

This he-stranger in front of her looked like he _almost_ belonged in this crowd of Muggles and witches and wizards alike, but not quite. The man was dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a dark blue sweater, three-day stubble on his jawline. He took in the rest of the café with a single sweep, his green eyes settling on Tonks before he flashed her a rather disarmingly charming smile.

Tonks felt her lips curve into a questioning smile, though truth be told, she was beginning to feel a little uneasy, and the line of people waiting to order their drinks and pastries still snaked at a snail's pace in front of her, though thank Merlin's Beard, the barista at the front only had two more customers to get through before it would be her turn, thank Merlin's Beard.

She could not stop the feeling of unease that pricked at her heartstrings, and she wondered what it was that this strange man wanted.

"E—excuse me?" Tonks murmured, blinking at the dark-haired man, and hoping that her voice sounded unaccusatory and quite kind. Perhaps he was just attempting to make polite conversation to pass the time in line.

Though as she ruminated over this possibility, she could not quite explain it, but she began to feel increasingly claustrophobic as the man's inquisitive green eyes briefly wandered up and down Tonks's body, giving what Tonks could only perceive was an interesting little nod at her date night outfit.

"Cute boots, darling," he murmured under his breath, the whiskers of his beard and mustache twitching without prompting, shoving his hands in the pocket of his jacket. Noticing Tonks furrow her brows in confusion, he let out a chuckle. "I was merely _saying_ since you seem to be a chocolate fan, love, that you might want to opt for a few of the chocolate chunk muffins this place is getting famous for, that's all. And if you haven't been here, then definitely get the hot chocolate."

Tonks smiled, opting for silence as the favored response, and gave a slow incline of her head.

She still wasn't sure what to make of the stranger's sudden interest in her, though judging by the way his eyes not-so-conspicuously crawled up and down her backside as she turned around, she had a feeling.

Though right as she turned around and took a half step forward as the second-to-last customer moved out of the way and she moved up in line to place her order, she felt the bottom sole of her black leather boot step into a puddle of water, no doubt left behind by the remnants of the drizzle outside.

Tonks scrambled to try to stop herself from falling, an incredible heat pinking her cheeks and she sincerely hoped Remus wasn't looking from his spot at their table. The last bloody thing she needed to happen tonight was for her to make a Merlin-damned fool of herself in front of the man she hoped to impress enough to cause him to want to ask her out on a second and third date.

Though before she could latch onto the nearest thing she could grab to stop her fall, which in this case would have been the arm of the lady in front of her, which would have resulted in disastrous consequences, considering she would have more than likely brought her down with her, a pair of strong arms caught her around the shoulders and suddenly, leaning over her, was the guy.

The man with the dark hair and close-cropped beard offered her a large smile, his green eyes twinkling with something akin to amusement before he helped Tonks upright and then placed the young witch gently back on her feet.

His hands lingered a little longer on her shoulder than Tonks was admittedly comfortable with, just in case she fell again. "That was close, love."

Tonks blushed furiously and stepped away from him, wanting to put as much distance between herself and this man as possible, just in case Lupin saw.

Daring to take a peek over her shoulder where he still sat at their table, he had, and he was looking none too pleased, and she saw him half-rise from the chair, though he paused, faltering in the decision when Tonks shook her head.

She bit down on her bottom lip, silently trying to plead with Remus not to come over here and make a scene, that she could handle this man right now. The look that Remus shot her suggested he was none too pleased with this development, though he reluctantly offered a curt nod and sat back down.

Tonks let out a tiny sigh and turned back towards the man, who was chuckling to himself.

"I didn't mistake you for being clumsy, sweetheart…"

Her temper bristled within her veins. She did not _appreciate_ that this man whom she did not know had voiced it out loud. At least Remus, Merlin bless him, knew better than to mention her natural clumsiness! She had nearly failed Stealth and Tracking during her Auror Training because of how bad it was. At least Remus always told her to be careful next top or hold onto him.

She hated the fact she wasn't bloody graceful like her mum. Tonks was always falling over herself. Remus would just tell her that, as her partner, he liked that aspect of her, that it made her a truly unique witch-like no one else. Though sometimes, secretly, Tonks wondered if Lupin _liked_ being around to catch her whenever she fell. She knew that _she_ certainly enjoyed it.

"Thank you for catching my fall. I—I'm dead clumsy, I really appreciate it," Tonks murmured, feeling her impatience begin to bristle, though she swallowed down hard past the lump in her throat, not wanting to make a scene in front of all these Muggles, grateful that her wand was stowed in her purse.

"Yes, it was, doll," the stranger was inclined to agree with her statement, somewhat sheepishly, as he reached up a hand to scratch at an itch behind his ear. There was a beat, a pause, before the man spoke up again, intrigued. "You new around here? I come here every Tuesday and Friday and I haven't seen you in here before, though our barista, Jenna, she says she's seen you…she's always talking about you, sweetheart. I think she finds you unique."

Tonks let out a nervous little chuckle, feeling her fingers curl instinctively into a tight fist over the strap of her purse, feeling thankful it was her turn next. "All good things, I hope?" she replied anxiously, wondering what it was that he wanted, though she had no time as the barista, Jenna, called her forward. She furrowed her brows into a slight frown before relaxing her face.

The last thing she wanted was to put the girl behind the counter in a state of immense unease. It was getting rather late, and the machines were yet to warm, so Tonks pondered this chance to stay still for a moment longer, to drink in the aroma of the quaint little café that she loved so much. The barista, Jenny, a young girl not much older than Tonks, with short, shaggy blonde hair, had tired bright blue eyes, red-rimmed at the edges from what Tonks could tell, having looked in the mirror a time or two herself, was a long shift. yet there was that glimmer of happiness, a giveaway of her good heart.

She was one of those surviving sparks, one of the people who held onto who they really were.

Tonks hurriedly placed her order, asking for her and Lupin's chocolate muffins to be warmed, apologizing amid her own tired smile. "Sorry, I'm just feeling like being a bit of a fusspot today," she murmured, her blush intensifying as she tucked back a lock of hair behind her ear and off her shoulder, growing perturbed as the stranger who had righted her fall moved to stand next to her, close enough that their shoulders were almost touching.

She swallowed down hard past the lump in her throat, trying to ignore just how bloody close he was. Tonks focused on Jenna instead, seeing her spark within glow a little brighter, her tired face was more relaxed, a smidge more joy in her eyes.

"That's all right, love, you go on and be a fuss pot if it helps you."

Tonks laughed unexpectedly as she reached across the counter for the tray bearing their now-heated huge chocolate chip muffins and their cocoa, in spite of the nervousness the stranger standing next to her was making her feel.

And Tonks knew at that moment, she felt that tiny bit better too.

"Thanks for indulging my fuss-pot-sim. I needed that," she murmured, dipping into her purse to pull out her small compact rose-pink wallet to use one of the Muggle credit cards her dad had taught her how to use when she was old enough, though before she could, she felt a strong hand smack her arm away.

Alarmed, feeling a surge of a panic prick at her heartstrings, Tonks swiveled her head to the left and upward slightly to regard the stranger who had, just a second ago, attempted to make polite conversation and caught her.

His somewhat now-cool gaze was fixed upon her, completely unreadable. Tonks blinked, unsure of how to respond or what he wanted.

Registering the perplexed expression on the young witch's face, the stranger merely proceeded to react by smiling at her. Almost in an intimate way, as if the man were enjoying some private joke with himself. She sighed.

His lack of response towards his frank action just now irked Tonks, and she began to feel a little nervous, wishing she would have called Remus over.

What did he _want_ with her? Startled, furrowing her brows in a frown, she glanced up at the stranger and felt her jaw drop open slightly in shock.

But to her surprise, instead of looking angered for whatever reason, he merely smiled at her, though it didn't quite match the man's eyes. "Let me."

There was a slight growl to his tone, and Tonks wondered what she had done to tick this stranger who'd saved her fall off, what invisible line she had crossed to offend this man's sensibilities, though she could only blink at the man as he pulled a few crumpled notes from his pocket and paid for her order.

And then, shooting her a soft smile and an odd little wave, he turned his back on Tonks and the barista and strode out of the café without a word.

Tonks blinked, feeling stunned. _Did that man just…?_ She thought, unable to form a coherent thought at the moment, feeling too dazed. He had just paid for their cocoa and their muffins. But _why_? She didn't _know_ him!

Giving her head a curt little shake, Tonks shook her head again and carried the tray over to the table that Remus had found. Unbeknownst to him, it so happened to be her favorite spot in this entire joint. "Thanks for waiting."

He merely grunted by way of response. "What _was_ that?" he asked, unable to keep the lingering note of jealousy and anger out of his tones.

Tonks shrugged in what she hoped was a nonchalant way, not wanting that odd and somewhat strange encounter to put a damper on their moods. "That man in line paid for our drinks and muffins. I don't know why, Rem, but he left before I could insist that he take his money back. Here," she murmured, wanting to distract Remus before the talk could turn sour. "Try it."

Lupin leaned forward slightly and plucked a small chunk of the muffin off and took a bite. His light brown eyes, which had darkened considerably in anger as he watched as the man who had been in line behind Tonks, now stood outside, though quickly disappeared down a side alley and from his wolfish line of sight, vanished, lightened as the sweet chocolate taste lingered on his tongue.

They sat in silence for a while, just content to bask in the quiet. Finally, Remus, unable to keep his curiosity at bay, asked her a question that nearly caused poor Tonks to spit out her still-scalding hot chocolate and choke.

"You hide, don't you?" She coughed, almost choking on her bite of chocolate muffin, immediately reaching for a napkin to cover her mouth as she turned to take in the expression on her new friend's face.

His gaze was steady, eyes wide, and huge like that of an innocent kid. Tonks released a short, sharp breath. This wasn't even fourth date material and this new guy wanted to play see-through-skin. "How…how do you mean?"

Remus Lupin paused before answering, his tone dropping to a softer octave, getting that familiar glint in his eyes that she wasn't altogether sure she liked.

"Everything you say is a mask. But each thing gives a clue to the real Tonks, the one hiding behind that smile and your hair. You could just cut it out and let me in, you know, let me get to know the real you, Tonks. Really. I want to know _you_ , not the Metamorphmagus. Just you."

This time, Tonks stumbled to her feet, almost overturning her chair, and toppling her purse to the ground in the process. Remus just watched, his light brown eyes still like headlights of the Knight Bus on full beam, his expression serenely calm and somehow, knowing. Like he knew more about her than she thought.

And perhaps he did, in a way. Remus did not yell or scream at her to sit down, just kicked upright the chair she had accidentally overturned, motioning with those haunting eyes of his for her to sit back down, that he wasn't quite finished with her just yet. Reluctantly, she did so. Lupin let out a light chuckle as he lifted the rim of his cup to his lips.

She shivered, both hands clutched around her steaming cup of cocoa. Tonks cursed herself, unable to remember the last time she was so bloody nervous. Tonks curled her fingers into the palm of her hand, not even feeling them dig in.

It felt like her mouth was full of sawdust, and all she could fixate on was her partner's eyes, and she blinked as he spoke, startling her out of her inappropriate staring of Remus's light brown eyes, and she blushed guiltily.

"Well, we can't go walking as we planned," he added, a note of dejection in his voice, glancing outside at the fog that enveloped the city in a thick white blanket, skirting around the buildings. "So, why don't you tell me something about yourself? I'd love to know you better."

"Like what?" Tonks fired back immediately, thinking that Remus already knew everything about her that was important enough to know.

"Tell me…" Remus paused to give himself time to think, tapping his chin for a moment. "Tell me one of your fears. You can't expect me to let you into _my_ head without giving anything away, now can you? Plus, it'll make us feel connected."

"Huh?" Tonks was utterly lost. She'd never once asked him what _his_ fears were.

He was growing excited now. Giddy, like a child almost, resisting the urge to bounce in his head.

Tonks wondered for a moment what she'd gotten into.

"You might even like telling me something. Hang on, don't worry, let me guess. I'm getting a strong feeling right now…" Lupin closed his eyes, deep in thought.

"Remus, don't, this is _stupid_!" Tonks protested, vehemently, but he shook his head.

"No, no, no, don't tell me…it's…fear of untapped potential," he said at last.

Tonks stared. "How did you guess?"

Remus grinned, his smile was slightly wolfish. "Well, it certainly wasn't going to be something childish like clowns or snakes, was it? No. You're too good for any of that, Dora. None of the usual things that frighten most scare you, Tonks." Remus paused and frowned at the way she was looking at him. "What? Have I said something? Did I offend you?" he demanded, suddenly looking hurt.

"N—nothing," stammered Tonks, immediately looking away, out to her left at the fog.

"What? You're uncomfortable? There's no need to be, Dora. I asked you on this date to get to know you better. I want to talk with you. So, talk."

Tonks turned back and stared. It was odd for her to make a connection this fast, to give her trust so easily to a man, tentative though it was. But there was something in the way that Remus smiled, a warmth, a genuineness, a softness of spirit that she just couldn't seem to get enough of or stay away from. He listened to her.

Like he was absorbing her words, not simply getting his 'turn' over and done with so he could return to some other topic. The more time she spent with Remus in that coffee shop, the more her spirit lifted, and Tonks grew to like him.

Remus Lupin was the new partner that she'd needed for so long.


	5. On the Swing

**A/N: I hope you enjoy chapter 5 of Remus and Tonks' date. Also, pretty sure I finally earned the T rating with this one, but I regret nothing! :D**

* * *

**CHAPTER FIVE**

**THE** strange encounter that Tonks had endured with the man behind her in line, Remus could not shake the uncomfortable feeling welling in the pit of his chest, igniting in his stomach as hot as any dragon fire could flame, like the feeling that something was wrong, as though she would meet him again.

He was quick to decide he did not like this feeling at all, and even after an hour of increasingly warm conversation in the café while they nursed their cups of hot chocolate (Tonks had been right about one thing.

The place she took him to, run by Muggles though it was, definitely gave Honeydukes a run for their money.) and their chocolate muffins, his mind still lingered on _him_.

Remus did not know who the handsome, younger stranger in the café had been, but what he _did_ know was this: If Lupin saw that man in trouble, he just did not know if he would help, whether he was a wizard or a Muggle.

The dark recesses of his mind imagined the chap dangling from a high-rise tower, and the only thing between him and certain death was Remus's reaching hand.

The fact remained that the man was younger, certainly more handsome than he was, and the uneasy truth that lingered in Lupin's mind was that, if this stranger was of a mind to, he could easily take Dora away from him, as if she were a prize he had won, and that bothered him more than anything else now.

In the midst of the late-night evening as the fog swooped in and skirted around the sidewalk they were on as Tonks, for reasons unknown to him, cut through an abandoned park, Lupin could feel his collared shirt and jacket start to cling to his back in places and there was a slight stinging sensation in his eyes.

He felt Tonks's hand squeeze a fraction of an inch that much tighter.

Lupin glanced down at their intertwined hands, filling it with the image of Dora's face, before slowly lifting his chin and meeting Tonks's gray eyes with his light brown orbs, happy that she was looking at him, but then he questioned if the day would ever come when Tonks would start to look at someone else.

Another man, a fellow Auror from her own department, perhaps. Younger, more handsome than he was, without his scars. Not a werewolf.

And he could say nothing about it. To do so would put their friendship at risk, and that is something Remus knew he was not at all willing to do, though he needed some small semblance of reassurance that Dora was _his_.

Not that man from the café's, not Sirius's, not Shacklebolt's. _His_. Remus halted in his tracks when she came to a park bench and took a seat, affectionately patting the spot next to her, motioning for Lupin to join her.

He blinked owlishly at Tonks, though quickly did as she silently asked and sat down, scooting next to her, their thighs almost touching. He was unsure what to do with himself, why Tonks had brought him to the park when they couldn't even watch the riverbank, the way the thick, dense fog rolled in.

Not for the first time, Remus found himself wishing that he was normal, so he could feel better prepared for these sorts of problems. Witch problems. Remus John Lupin, the scarred, not-at-all-handsome wizard and werewolf, lonesome, forlorn man, was having witch problems. _Wonders never cease_ , he thought, biting the edge of his tongue in nervous anticipation.

He did not understand how it was at all possible, but Molly's words from earlier this morning, while she had so graciously trimmed his hair for him, lingered in his mind. That Tonks did reciprocate his feelings, and he had been taking a ridiculous stance on this all along.

_That girl cares for you, Remus_ , Molly had said. You would be an utter fool to miss out on this opportunity. _This is your chance to give yourself that which you've always wanted. A normal life_. _You are the only one standing in your own way, Remus, saying you can't_.

Out of the corner of his eye, careful to remain undetected, Remus watched as the chill breeze of the crisp air of the evening tousled Tonks's wavy maroon hair into buoyant curls, blowing it off of her face and behind her again.

His heart, that damned stubborn corded mass of throbbing muscle within the confines of his scarred, wretched chest, skipped a beat, and he thought for sure by the way it was pounding so relentlessly and audibly loud, that Dora could hear it, though she seemed content to just sit with him like this.

Surely, the way she had looked at him was not the view of someone who was indifferent towards him? And what about earlier when she had kissed him? That brief but affectionate kiss on the cheek, just outside of the little café?

Why would she kiss him if she did not care for him? Maybe, even… _love_ him? Remus let out a barely audible groan and carded his fingers through his hair. He saw Tonks startle out of the corner of his peripherals at the noise.

"Remus?" she murmured; her quiet voice laced with concern for him.

_Damn_ , he thought darkly to himself, clenching his teeth in rancor. His light brown eyes vented in an unimaginable, inner conflicting turmoil as he glanced at Tonks out of the corner of his eyes. He did not like how he was looking at her.

The pursed lips, growing thinner and thinner, her furrowed brows, the way her already pale face was growing even whiter, giving her the look of one of Lord Voldemort's walking Inferi corpses. No. He hated this.

Was it possible she regretted kissing him, not once now, but _three_ times?

Perhaps Tonks was finally coming to her senses, realizing that he was not a suitable choice of a partner for her, and he would only cause her to become like him. An outcast shunned and disregarded by polite society.

But somehow, it didn't feel like that. It felt like when Tonks had kissed, there had been more behind it. But what? She—she just had to be disgusted by him. There could be no other possible explanation.

He wouldn't and couldn't blame Dora if that were the case. He knew all too well what he was. A monster.

_A beast_ , he thought darkly, and he heard Tonks's sweet voice call his name again, though he did not immediately answer her. How could he, then?

" _Remus_." Her voice was even more concerned and urgent now. Remus wished he knew what to do, thinking that to have a young, beautiful witch, as pretty and as talented as she was, could have any man in all of Great Britain with just her face alone, and her bewitching smile was interested in him, was new to him.

Given his status as a werewolf, he never expected to wonder whether or not a young witch could return his feelings. Until now, his answer had always been an empathic, resounding, fierce no, stuck in its ways like glue.

If he weren't such a damned bloody coward, he could ask Tonks what the kisses she had given him meant, but he knew he lacked the resolve to ask.

"Mmm?" he said, at last, her succulent voice and scent breaking through his swirling vortex of dark thoughts that threatened to consume him. Remus's gaze had been drawn to one of the swings moving of its own accord, caused by the breeze, thinking how in the fog, it looked rather eerie. Haunted, almost, and he almost snorted at that.

_Leave it to Tonks to bring me to a haunted deserted playground for a first date to take a break_.

The chain links of the swing had wrapped itself a few times around the pole, due to the forceful gusts of the wind, and Lupin could not help but think that it looked a bit like how he currently felt: twisted and in a confused knot.

Remus slowly swiveled his head to the left and very nearly chuckled at the sight of her tiny pet Bowtruckle perched on top of her right shoulder, glaring at him with narrowed, beady black eyes as it blew a raspberry at him.

"Lea!" she scolded, furrowing her brows, and holding out her index finger for the Bowtruckle to crawl on. "Stop that, be _nice_ to Remus, Ptelea!"

Lupin let out a light little chuckle in spite of the nervousness that caused his stomach to swoop and churn, and he knew it had nothing to do with the cup of hot chocolate or the overly large chocolate muffin the two of them had split. "I've never seen a more loyal Bowtruckle, Dora. He doesn't like me."

Tonks blinked, momentarily looking startled, as she allowed Ptelea to rest in a hidden pocket of her short black floral skirt.

"I'm sorry about this. Lea doesn't take kindly to most new people he meets," she sighed, sounding disappointed with her pet, though she was unable to stifle the small smile that tugged at her lips as she noticed her Bowtruckle poke its little leafy head out of the pocket of her skirt and blew a raspberry at Remus, as if to say, " _I'm watching you. Don't try it_."

Remus looked away from Tonks and her Bowtruckle, suddenly feeling uneasy. He swallowed down hard past the growing lump in his throat anxiously. "I guess then I should take that as a good sign that it isn't just me."

If Tonks was startled by her partner's words, she hid her surprise well, though she did not stop herself from raising her eyebrows in alarm at Remus.

"He's just angry because Mr. Scamander made me put him on a diet," she joked, reaching a single finger into her skirt's side pocket, and giving her Bowtruckle an affectionate stroke on top of its little leafy head. "He's been ornery the last several days, but he'll get over himself or he won't get any fairy eggs for dessert when we get home tonight for _misbehavior_ ," she added, raising her voice just slightly to a lilt and Remus rolled his eyes as heard, not saw, the Bowtruckle blow a raspberry in response to Tonks' admonishment from inside the pocket of her skirt where Ptelea had made itself a home.

As Tonks continued to look at him once she was sure her Bowtruckle was safe and comfortable inside her skirt's pocket, Remus found himself growing even more uneasy under her steady and questioning gaze.

It wasn't until she spoke to him that he blinked himself out of his stupor and realized he had promptly turned his head away from her, staring intently out into the fog.

The trees of the deserted park at the midnight hour were veiled in the thickest of mists, their trunks a somber brown with sable cracks that gnarled the bark.

As his eye traveled to the edge of the park, surveying his surroundings with his wolfish sight, they became silhouettes against a white canopy, as if it were only nighttime where they sat on the park bench together.

"You don't have to do that, you know, Remus," Tonks murmured quietly, and Remus heard and practically felt her shift nervously in her seat.

Lupin swallowed down hard, feeling a sheen of sweat start to throng on his forehead as beads of perspiration. "Do what?" he said, feigning ignorance.

Tonks, however, was not at all fooled, and she frowned. "Look away from me," she answered immediately, a hint of steel laced throughout her tone.

Remus sighed. He should have known it was inevitable at some point, their date, a night which felt too good to be true and to last, it would come to this. "I—I'm just trying to spare you, Tonks. That's all. Nothing more, Dora."

He heard her huff in frustration, and he could picture her folding her arms, and reluctantly, he swiveled his head back around to face Tonks again.

"From what?" she asked, her lips parted open slightly in shock.

This time, Lupin really did laugh at himself, a harsh, bitter laugh laced to the brim with self-loathing. "Don't pretend, Tonks. There's no denying what I am. A beast. A werewolf. I know that I'm…not much to look at, and so do you," he growled, the shame he felt creeping not only into his tone, which was rougher, coarser than before, but onto his face as well, and he ducked his head and allowed that one lock of his light brown hair to fall into his eyes, effectively acting as a shield between himself and Tonks. He couldn't bear to look at her.

" _No_ , Remus." Tonks's voice was pressured with ire, her teeth clenched and, in her jaw, appeared taut muscles, and Tonks tossed her wavy hair back over her shoulders in annoyance. "I _don't_ know."

Her voice was doing that thing that Lupin knew it did sometimes, where it sounded disappointed and angry at the same time, and it never failed to make his throat hollow and tighten, until it felt like he could no longer breathe.

"I _hate_ that word, Remus. It's cruel and inaccurate to describe you, Rem, and I _don't_ want to hear it." As if to emphasize her point, Tonks's hand hovered over the main compartment of her black purse, where Remus knew she kept her wand.

He supposed it wouldn't surprise him at all if Tonks did wind up jinxing him for what he said, but he knew that Dora needed to hear this.

Remus almost growled with the effort to restrain himself, giving his head a curt shake in order to try to clear his mind of his conflicting thoughts.

Even if he lived older than Professor Dumbledore, he would never fully understand this witch. This bright, beautiful, funny, charming, clever, amazing young woman who had captured and stolen his heart before he knew it was gone. The thief of his heart. Finally, he could hardly bear it. He _had_ to know.

"Why did you kiss me?" he asked, his words an echo to the question he had asked of her in Sirius's parents' library not even a week ago. "Tell me."

He didn't even have to look into Tonks's eyes to notice that he had effectively caught the young witch off-guard, though, against his better judgment, he looked. Her mouth opened and closed, and a light pink blush that had nothing to do with the cold breeze that wafted its way through the park pinked her cheeks and tousled her wavy tresses off of her face.

"You…you _really_ don't know, Remus?" she whispered, the disappointment in her voice evident.

Her words were left hanging and her weak voice cut him icily. He stiffened, a muscle in his jaw and behind his left eyelid twitching. Remus sighed. "No, Tonks, but I think I can put the missing pieces together and have a good idea of why you did."

Remus restrained the waves of staggering cold that hit him from behind the park bench the two of them were sitting on, and his suspicions were confirmed as he heard Tonks sigh in frustration and rose.

Without a word, she stomped, yes, quite literally, _stomped_ , over to the swing that was still moving of its own accord and plopped down on it, folding one leg across the other, and Remus's gaze was inexplicably drawn to her legs.

Long, slender, beautiful. A real credit to those leggings, her boots, and that skirt. His fingertips itched with the effort to restrain the Mad Beast, that Wolf within him, and he felt a drop of annoyance spread in his bloodstream.

Without even aware of what was happening, Lupin felt his legs rise of their own accord and follow Tonks towards the swing, where he stood in front of her. Even if she were not his, and could never _be_ his, she would _listen_ to him.

Any other witch that walked away from him, Remus would have let them simply fade out of his life and pretended that she had never even existed.

But with Nymphadora Tonks, he felt like he was nothing but a requiem.

And he hated how he yielded to her, how something about this young witch kept pulling him in her direction, as though her aura were a magnet or an intoxicating drug. He gave out a frustrated sigh, carding his fingers through his hair before continuing, looking down his nose at Nymphadora Tonks.

Remus mentally cursed himself when Tonks's icy, wasted stare angled up at him from her perch on the park's swing, ready to fire a look of daggers.

He felt ventilated at most, and the sweat on his temples intensified. But Merlin, even in rancor like this, Tonks was still so beautiful, dangerously so.

Once again, Remus found his mind drifting to thoughts of that mysterious stranger from the café, how the man had eyed his partner in the Order, and his mind flared like wild Fiendfyre, wildly spiraling out of control.

"You felt _sorry_ for me, Tonks. You took pity on me, because of my status as a werewolf. But now, I think I can see it in your eyes. You realized it was a _mistake_."

His words escaped his chest as a low, warning growl, and it was becoming difficult for him to continue speaking as hot, angered tears marred his vision, though he blinked them back and forced himself to say his piece.

"I understand, Tonks." His voice was bitterly, and Remus hardly recognized himself. "You do not need to explain yourself to me. I—I know it didn't mean anything. If you want, we can call it now, and pretend it never happened."

A thick, heavy, uncomfortable silence stretched between them, the only sound reaching Remus's eardrums was the swaying of the oak trees that lined the park and the sound of his own, ragged breathing as he was panting.

And then, she whispered. "Remus, I…" But her voice trailed off, and she fell silent. Remus squeezed his eyes shut, grinding his molars in anticipation of what was to come next. Here it comes. Her inevitable rejection.

And for the good of her future, no matter how much it would hurt, Remus knew he would do nothing to stop it. Why had he even bothered to expect anything else, anything good, to come of tonight, wonderful as it was?

Or _had_ been, until he let this nagging, pulling feeling of doubt prick at the already tender wound that was his heart, adding a new layer of salt there.

"You're right, Remus," Tonks murmured softly, causing his chest to ache, and it felt like he couldn't even breathe as his light brown eyes flung wide open to look at the woman who was speaking. "I _do_ regret kissing you. But it's _not_ what you think. I—I should have…asked your permission first, and I didn't give you any warning, I—I wasn't thinking about how it might have made you feel. I just…did it. It just happened, and I'm sorry, Remus. That I didn't _ask_."

Lupin drew in a sharp breath that pained his lungs, hardly to believe the words that had just tumbled from his partner's lips, and how she stared at him. He was looking at her with such confused desperation, and he could tell Tonks didn't quite know what to make of his sudden shift in his new attitude.

"But…why?" he persisted, hating hearing the faltering crack and dip in his quiet, reserved voice. "Why would anyone, especially someone like _you_ , want to kiss a _monster_ like me?"

"For Merlin's _sake_ , Remus, you are _not_ a monster!" Tonks yelled, her anger exploded, her fists clenching in anger as she suddenly rose to her feet, startling him and causing him to take a few fumbling steps backward. "You're a _man_ , Remus, and I want you to start thinking of yourself like one. You're _handsome_ , _beautiful_ to me, can't you _see_ that?" she begged through her tears.

Lupin scoffed and rolled his eyes, not believing it. "Name one," he snapped, surprised at how harsh and curt his words were, and he watched in silence as Tonks flinched away in antagonized hurt and surprised at his voice.

"If that's what you want, then fine, Remus. If it helps to set your mind at ease why I'm out on this date with you, then so be it. I'll list several for you," Tonks retorted hotly with a quiet fury causing her voice to shake that was almost intimidating to Remus. "Your eyes, for one thing. They're brown, just like hot cocoa on a winter's day. And your voice. You could be on the radio with a voice such as yours," she growled, her light gray eyes rivaling that of the finest steel, shining and glistening with unshed tears as she strode closer to Lupin.

Remus felt his breaths quicken in his throat, catching and rendering him breathless as Tonks closed off the gap of the space between them, taking his calloused, pale hands in hers and giving them light but firm little squeezes.

"Your hands," she murmured, bringing his curled knuckles to her lips for a gentle, chaste kiss that sent a tremor of pleasure down his wretched spine. "A master duelist's hands, if I've seen a pair, Lupin. Powerful, strong, yet capable of being so soft and gentle. Shall I continue?" she challenged curtly.

Lupin felt himself suck in a breath that resembled that of enduring pain, and then Remus was able to actualize that his hand, of its own accord and no longer taking directions from his brain, was resting gently on her waist, clutching fiercely, pouring the anger of his condition on that grip, fiercely.

Remus's lips were parched dry at the sight of his partner—his crush, and he froze, halted in his movements as she wordlessly pressed her hand against his chest, settling it firmly over where his heart in his chest resided.

"Your heart," she murmured, her voice faint. "You're a _good_ _man_ , Remus. Your heart is pure, your intentions noble. It's one that's been broken and put back together so many times when you lost James and Lily. Peter…but it's still full of so much goodness and hope, Remus. That is what I see when I look at you, Remus John Lupin," she murmured, a fierce determination and resolve evident on her features. "And _that_ is the reason why I kissed you, Rem."

Her fingers curled slightly around the material of his jacket. She was close enough now that their noses almost touched. So close. And yet not enough. "Will you…will you kiss me again?" he asked, his voice sounding weak.

His mind was screaming at him, trying to tamper down the Wolf's call to her irresistible urge, though her scent of honeysuckle and apples, whatever shampoo she used in her hair smelled like apples for the fall, and it was delish.

Lupin could feel her breath on his lips. "Do you…want me to?" she said.

Remus felt his eyes squeeze shut. "Yes." He answered, without hesitation.

And without warning, he felt something warm press against his lips as Tonks kissed him, and just like the other two times, he was unprepared for the intoxication that followed the euphoric feeling of Tonks's lips against his.

Hot, stinging tears marred at the edge of his vision behind his closed lids, but him closing his eyes did not allow him to see darkness. Instead, he saw colors of fondness, and then he felt his tears cool, surfacing his eyes, and he wanted nothing more than to engulf himself in the heat she gave off, to hear her whispers into the shell of his ear how she loved him, if she did love him, and Lupin knew he would sooner die than allow this kiss to end anytime soon.

Lupin barely stifled his groan that was forming at the back of his throat as he gently wrapped his arms around her, kissing Tonks back, in awe of the perfect way her mouth fits around his, like pieces of a puzzle meant to connect.

He kissed her lower lip, then the upper, letting out a shudder of pleasure as he felt Tonks move her arms to envelop his neck and cling to him.

Remus could feel the radiance of her smile as Tonks fought the urge to grin into the kiss, the liveliness of her heartbeats. With his wolfish, heightened sight, he could see every detail, every movement in the park that occurred around the two of them whether he wanted to see it or not, no matter how discreet that thing may be, and he wished he never possessed such an ability.

He just wanted to focus on Tonks and be in the moment. He had no bloody idea what the hell he was doing, but somehow, it didn't matter at all. Instinct seemed to drive him on, and he knew it was lust talking that had clouded his thoughts, the Mad Beast growling and snarling at him to continue, to let his hands explore every curve, every crevice of his mate's body.

For perhaps the first time since they had kissed, Remus forced himself not to think about why Tonks was allowing him to kiss her, why she didn't pull away, and explain away the slip in her balance, as he fully expected Tonks to.

He could only focus on her. Her heat, her scent, her wavy hair sifting through his fingers, and he knew that his entire world now belonged to Tonks.

They broke apart, she rested her forehead against his, smiling shyly, enjoying the warmth he gave off. He smiled at her, thinking how wonderful it felt to be the recipient of her affections.

Lupin reached up and brushed a stray lock of her hair behind her hair, his eyes sparkling with a new intensity that Tonks hadn't seen in him before, but she liked it. She blushed under the scrutiny of his gaze, but Remus didn't give her a chance to overthink it.

There was a question burning on the edge of his tongue, and he knew if he did not know the answer, he was going to positively implode.

"There was something I—I wanted to ask you tonight," he managed, growing nervous, but feeling justified in not relinquishing his hold on her. Holding her in his arms felt right, and he wouldn't trade this moment for anything. "I—I was going to wait until later tonight, but I…I don't think I can. All my life I've been afraid, Dora. Afraid of people rejecting me, and even if they didn't, still losing the few people in my life that I care about. I don't have many people in my life I can truly call my family. Just Sirius, Molly and Arthur, my father, and now you. But now that you're in the Order along with me, I feel… I've been afraid of everything I can't control. But when I—I was faced with the idea that you might not…that you might not want to be with me in a…in a romantic way, and it made me realize there's something that I would regret more than anything else, no matter how you feel about me, and that's not telling you the truth about how I feel about you. Because being honest with each other is the only way we could share a life together, you and me. I know the odds are stacked against us and we'd be risking so much. What I—what I'm about to ask you is not easy for me, and I don't know how you're going to react. If you stay with me, you'll be labeled, Tonks. You'll become like me, an outcast, someone shunned by our kind, but if you…if you feel the same way for me that I do about you, then there's no one else I'd rather take that chance with. I was wondering if you wanted to …if I could…officially date you?" he finished.

He bit his lip and fell silent. _Oh, Merlin. What if—what if she says no, then what? At least you told her how you felt; now you wait for her to respond and pray she says yes._

Tonks's face remained impassive for a moment as she processed his declarations of his feelings for her. Then she broke into a wide grin and he felt practically bowled over as she flung her arms around his neck and covered his mouth with a passionate kiss that burned his lips, leaving sparks in their wake.

When she kissed him, his brain lit on fire. He liked the warmth she gave, how he felt at ease and comfortable whenever he was with her. "What took you so long to ask me? I was wondering when you would ask!" she laughed, laughing at his dazed expression when she broke apart after a second.

Lupin stared, hardly daring to believe what he was hearing, quirking his brow at her in alarm, still feeling like all of this was a beautiful dream. That he would blink his eyes and she would just be gone.

"Does that mean…are you and I…are a couple? Does that mean yes?"

"Mmm," she murmured in a low and slightly husky voice, biting his bottom lip. "Do you really have to ask me that? _Yes_!" she teased, reaching up to kiss him again. He felt himself grinning as he leaned into her kiss, resisting the urge to smile, and instead lost himself in her kiss, yet again, leaving him with no choice but to kiss Tonks again.

Almost without conscious thought, moving on instinct, Lupin summoned a little bit of the wolfish strength within him he worked so hard throughout his life to repress and placed Tonks on the swing, his mouth never once leaving hers. His hands tightened their grip, coming up to rest around her waist, almost painfully tight, and he deepened their kiss.

Almost feverishly, feeling the drop of wolfish, animalistic lust spread throughout his blood, changing him from the inside out, and for once, Lupin surrendered his control and allowed the Wolf to take complete control of his movements.

He felt Tonks respond to his meaningful touches by wrapping her legs around his waist and giving a tight, almost urgent squeeze, surrendering to him wholly, allowing herself to be consumed in his sudden and inevitable lust for her just from the tip of his tongue, and for a moment, he thought he actually might faint.

Tearing his lips from hers, he focused his attention on her shoulder, leaving a little trail of kisses down the column of her throat and to the dip of her shoulder, against her collarbones, his hands wandering under her skirt.

He supposed he should be grateful she was wearing leggings, because if she hadn't been, then they would have risked possibly exposing bits of Tonks that he knew going forward, now that she was _his_ girlfriend, only _he_ was allowed to see.

Her fingertips grazing against the fine hairs on the back of his neck startled him, causing him to let out a light little laugh as he buried his head in her hair, though she grabbed a fistful of his jacket and pulled her back to him.

Tonks bit down gently on his lower lip, drawing a passionate groan from Remus. Involuntarily, moving of their own accord, his hips pushed into hers, and she gave out a cry, but he didn't care.

He would take her right here on the swing if that's what it took, though the more rational side of him pulled back.

"I—I'm sorry. I—I didn't mean to…Did I hurt you?" he demanded.

"No. Do it again," Tonks whispered huskily, her eyes half-lidded.

Remus swallowed hard, his clouded mind slowly becoming less hazy as his thoughts of lust evaporated, and he felt the chill of the wind tousle his hair.

His ears perked up at the sound of distant footfalls approaching, causing him to lift his chin to look at hers. "Dora, maybe we shouldn't…"

Though his words died on his tongue as he looked into Tonks's half-lidded eyes, utterly hazy with desire. A desire for _him_. She didn't care that he was a werewolf. Tonks did not care that he wasn't all that much to look at.

"Please," she begged, biting down on her bottom lip, murmuring it, and he was compelled to oblige his new girlfriend. As if in a dream he never wanted to wake up from, he pressed his lips to hers passionately, kissing her, every inch, his body rocking against hers from where he knelt on the ground, his hands planted firmly on her waist, preventing Tonks from leaving the swing.

Never in his life did he imagine anything could feel so…so _good_. Intoxicating. He could die like this, he thought, and be content with such a death. A gasping, trembling mess in the arms of the witch he knew he loved.

He might just like this, yes, and he would be fine with it if it happened.

He broke apart, laughing. He cupped her chin in his hand and leaned in to kiss her again, but a noise, the rustling of a pile of fallen, discarded leaves from the boughs of the trees startled them both, breaking them out of their intimate moment. Tonks frowned, furrowing her brows, looking for the source.

She sincerely hoped it wasn't a London Muggle policeman, telling them to bugger off the swing and take their make-out session somewhere more private, and she would tell him exactly what he could do with his scolding, where to shove it. Nothing could stop what was happening between them, so exhilarating. _Nothing_. She let out a tiny groan and sighed.

"Merlin's left…" she swore, the curse trailing off as her voice faded, as her grip tightened on Remus's shoulder. "What _now_?" she moaned, burying her head in the crook of Remus's shoulder, not wanting to look to see who it was.

"Rem, stop," she whispered urgently, eliciting another groan from him.

"I—I can't, I'm not sure I can," he groaned, his voice strained.

"Someone's coming!" Tonks whisper hissed through gritted teeth, and that did it. Her words had an instantaneous effect on Remus, he pulled away from her, nearly causing poor Dora to fall on top of the park's swing, though with quick reflexes on his part, Lupin moved to catch her, helping her stand upright and turn around to face this new arrival, this interrupter of their moment, a fact which made Remus's blood boil in his veins at their moment now ruined.

Tonks's face was flushed pink with color, her maroon wavy tresses tangled and disheveled, and her skirt and blue sweater ruffled from where Remus had grabbed onto it in fistfuls. He was sure he didn't look much better.

There could be no doubt as to what they were doing, and he heard a startled, angry exclamation coming from immediately behind him, and Remus stiffened, encircling Tonks protectively as they rose to their feet and turned around, bracing himself for the shouting, the cursing at what they were doing.

Or almost had done, though this person had caught them fully clothed, though Lupin felt confident if this stranger had stumbled across them in the park maybe five minutes later, they might not have been. He let out a growl.

It was _him_.

"Hey, sweetheart!" the handsome dark-haired man from the café, the very same stranger who had paid for their order in the restaurant, was watching her with great interest and a wave of growing anger in his green eyes.

Tonks swallowed, craning her neck up to look at Remus, though before she could open her lips to speak and ask him what the bloody hell he thought he was doing, interrupting them like this, and what he wanted with the pair of them, when she felt herself being pulled away from Lupin and something sharp and metallic being pointed at the pale column of her throat.


	6. In Which the First Date Comes to an End

**CHAPTER SIX**

**THE** stranger from the café moved so fast that poor Tonks barely had time to blink as she was roughly torn away from Remus and wrenched almost violently off the swing, and she barely managed a hoarse little croak as she felt the cold steel of a dagger pressed against the skin of her collarbone in the process. The weapon was enough to send her into a mild panic, but only just.

" **HEY**!" she bellowed, squirming within the man's grasp. "What the hell do you think you're _doing_ , guy?" Tonks demanded, feeling her temper surge within her veins. Her fingers twitched, itching to pull her wand, not giving a damn if this man was a Muggle or a wizard anymore.

To _hell_ with the Statute of Secrecy, she was going to put this creep in his place _right_ _now_ , or— Tonks had to crane her neck upright, twisting slightly, wincing and biting on her bottom lip as the man's ironclad grip on her arm tightened, and she was quick to decide that she didn't like the hungered look in his eyes, and she especially did not like it when the man nipped at her ear and whispered into the shell of her right ear.

"Ditch the devil's spawn over there and come spend time with a _real_ wizard, love," the man from the café breathed. " _I'll_ show you a good time, darling." He looked towards Remus and scrunched his nose in disgust. "The fact that you're choosing to shack up with a _werewolf_ , sweetheart, is disgusting beyond belief, but I can overlook that if you come with me now. There's no need for anybody to get hurt, little dove."

Tonks felt herself start to pant as she tried in vain to control the rapidly swelling anger swirling in the pit of her churning and swooping stomach at this wizard who seemed to favor upsetting young witches and holding their throats hostage at knifepoint.

She felt him physically stiffen, and felt her stomach drop in response as she had to crane her neck to look the stranger from the café in the eyes. She tried to place where she knew him. He was a wizard, that much she knew, judging by the wand he'd pulled out of the pocket of his coat, pointing it in Lupin's general direction, while his other free arm (the one that held the knife), had effectively wound its way around the column of her throat, strangling her.

Was he someone from work? Tonks couldn't help but wonder. Had she pissed this guy off somehow and didn't even know it? But she didn't know him!

She was barely able to suppress her groan of frustration when a low, guttural growl reached her eardrums. Tonks could tell the man from the café heard it too, judging by the way his ears perked up at the noise. They looked.

"Let her _go_!" The words escaped Lupin's mouth as a low, wolfish growl, and as Tonks's gaze nervously flitted from Remus's and back to the stranger's, she was relatively pleased to see a flicker of fear pass along the man's green eyes as he no doubt witnessed the same thing that Tonks was, the shadow of the Wolf.

Remus was practically shaking with the effort to restrain himself, his wand trembling in his wand hand, which was almost convulsing at his side.

"Let's all just… _calm down_ , shall we?" Lupin growled angrily. "We don't want to make a scene and we don't want any trouble from you. Listen to the woman, sir, whoever you are. Whatever you want with the woman, forget her, and quit this place immediately, and I won't press charges," he called out warningly, doing his best to remain calm. "She's with _me_. If you leave _right_ _now_ , I'll forget the whole thing and I won't press charges with the Aurors, but if you harm her, then…" He paused, narrowing his light brown eyes as Tonks swore the man's irises shifted and changed to a much darker hue of brown than they were before, "I'm not responsible for your injuries. You will _not_ touch her."

But the man was not listening. His gaze was solely focused on Tonks, eyeing her figure in her sweater, skirt, and boots. The hand still pressing the dagger into her throat wound tightly around her neck like poison ivy would to a pillar, her fingers gently gliding over her skin. "No, _wolf_ , I don't think I will."

Lupin's gaze fixated on Tonks. For a moment, he was startled at how uncontrollable the burning rage within the confines of his scarred chest was becoming.

All he felt was a desire to hate the handsome, younger stranger who had stood in line at the café behind _his_ partner. Had inappropriately touched her when she had almost fallen and was doing it again for the second time on the same night.

He met Tonks's gaze, their simplistic gray color that aroused the heat from within him—apathetic and serious towards her rather precarious position.

However, as he continued looking deep into his new girlfriend's eyes, past the eyeshadow and mascara on her heavily-lidded lashes, he felt the worst of his anger evaporate. There was a sadness in her gray eyes mingled with the frustration of being held against her will by this stranger, and the way she was being held hostage, the man not allowing her the use of her arms to try to bite him or break free, was preventing her from dipping into her purse to pull out her wand.

Remus was now Tonks's hope at getting out of this mess unscathed, the small flicker of a fiery flame in a storm that should have otherwise wiped it out.

The more time they spent together tonight, it became clear to him that Dora somehow separated her pain from herself. That it was still within her, but she had become so good at masking it that she didn't even know it for herself that she was experiencing even now, in her anger towards this man. But Remus knew.

As he looked in her eyes, he was met with a potent mix of fear, terror, and a horrible listlessness that he knew immediately he did not like to see in her.

Her face was ashen, beads of sweat forming and sliding down her temple. Lupin heard the growl coming from deep within his chest, which felt like it vibrated from the sound. "Let. Her. Go. Do I need to say it a _second_ time?" he warned, raising his wand, and pointing it squarely at the stranger's burly chest. "I really _hate_ saying it a second time. Release her. _Right now_. I'm _warning_ you," he added, almost as an afterthought as a shower of red sparks flew from his wand. "I've just about reached my limit," he growled through gnashing, clenching teeth.

If the stranger was bothered by Lupin's warning, he hid his surprise well, merely proceeding to return his attention back towards Tonks, still struggling against his ironclad hold. "You know what _I_ think, Auror Tonks?" he crooned into the shell of her right ear, eliciting a tremor down Tonks's spine as this man saying her names did confirm her suspicions, that this was a coworker from work.

Though she did not know this man's name, he certainly knew _hers_. Tonks scowled and looked up at the Dark wizard in more than a mild annoyance, though she breathed a shaking sigh of relief as she felt his arm's grip on her throat loosen.

Tonks violently wrenched his arm away from the pale column of her throat, turning her head to the side as black spots swarmed at the edges of her hazy vision, coughing as sweet, precious air slowly returned to her heaving lungs.

One hand was still gingerly rubbing her throat as she flinched, feeling the markings left by the man's dagger, and what she could only describe as finger marks. Tonks did not hesitate to dart behind Remus, who flung out an arm in front of her, preventing her from taking another step towards their unwelcome visitor. Not that she wanted to get anywhere _near_ this pervert, Tonks thought.

Still coughing, doubling over, and clutching her stomach, Tonks waited until her fit had subsided before straightening her posture and peeking over at the stranger from work. "What do you think?" Tonks spat; her words poisonous.

Slowly but surely, she felt the color slowly return to her face, and air return to her. Tonks was too terrified to say anything else or breathe too hard.

The only thing she knew was that she didn't like how this man was looking at the pair of them, and she swore, biting the wall of her cheek as she remembered her wand. Tonks unzipped her purse and let the strap of her bag fall to the ground as she joined Remus in his previous one-man attempt to protect.

The stranger scoffed and rolled his eyes, unfazed by the fact that he now had two wands pointed squarely at his chest. "I think you're just a scared little girl with some serious issues, dollface," he shot back defiantly, a twisted sneer on his face forming, causing the corners of his mouth to twitch into a vicious smirk.

Remus took a cautious half step forward, just as a gust of wind split the air and tousled his light brown bangs off of his forehead. "Make one more sound," he roughly growled, his entire body shaking with the effort to restrain himself. "And I won't even _need_ my wand for what comes next. _Leave_. _Now_."

The pair of them watched as a cold chill seemed to travel down the stranger's back as he was able to recognize that Lupin's voice had hardened, his voice sounded rougher, coarser than before, sounding like the living embodiment of the grave, like the werewolf that Tonks knew lurked deep within the poor man.

Though the stranger from the café still faltered in his indecision, and he made no move to leave. "No, I don't think I _will_ , _werewolf_ ," he growled, though Tonks and Remus were pleased to hear the briefest hints of fear laced throughout his voice. It would do.

Lupin moved forward another half step, though halted in his movements when he felt a small hand come to rest on his right shoulder and give it a squeeze.

Tonks offered a tiny, curt shake of her head no, an impassive look on her face. "Let me," she whispered, lowering her voice so that only Remus heard her.

He opened his mouth to vehemently protest, that no, he was not going to allow her to put herself in further harm's way, but before he could protest, Tonks ducked out from underneath his outstretched arm and strode towards the man.

"Dora, no!" he yelled, not wanting her to get hurt. "He's not _worth_ it!" Even as he spoke the words, Remus knew he was lying. Oh, but he _was_ worth it, considering what he had interrupted. The blood boiled in his veins hotter than any dragon fire, and for a brief moment, Lupin swore he felt the Turning start, what he and other werewolves called their monthly transformations, start to happen, though he knew that to be impossible as it wasn't the full moon yet.

Not for another two weeks, he thought, grinding his teeth. It took Remus a moment to realize that what he was feeling, this hot fire seed welling in the churning pits of his stomach, was rage. He heard a muffled shout and blinked, giving his head a curt little shake to clear it and forced his attention back to her.

There was a loud banging noise that barely filled his eardrums. All he could hear was a fatigued ringing that throbbed against his ears and drowned out most other sounds, even though his heightened, wolfish senses were on high alert.

Tonks had drawn her wand so fast on the other wizard that Lupin barely had time to blink and see what was happening. By the time his vision cleared, he took a cautious half-step towards Tonks and laid a protective hand on her shoulder. The stranger was roaring wildly like an enraged lion and clutching his heavily bleeding nose. Remus swore he heard the bones in the man's nose crunch as thick, garish crimson blood flowed from both of his nostrils and as he lowered his hands for a brief second, Lupin saw with a sick and twisted sense of satisfaction the man's nose had become a grotesque picture, twisted to the right.

" _Bloody hell_!" the stranger from the café roared, wildly grasping at his nose, blood pouring from between his fingers. "Y _ou—you bitch! I think you broke my fucking nose!_ " he shouted, staggering backward. " _What the hell, sweetheart_?"

Remus glanced sideways out of the corner of his eyes at Tonks, who he was surprised to see wore the beginnings of a triumphant little smirk on her face, though he could not fault her for that. It was no less than what he would have done, though in his opinion, as he heard the Wolf within himself growl in displeasure, thinking that Tonks had let this man off entirely too easy, oh, yes.

He held out his hand in front of Tonks, shooting her a cautious warning glower not to take one more step forward, that he would handle this going forward. She had done more than enough. "You're lucky that's _all_ she did, sir," Lupin heard the Wolf's voice within growl, sounding rougher and coarser than his usual quiet, reserved tones. Lupin felt like his entire body was trembling with the effort to resist the urge to allow his wolfish temper to implode. "Get out of here!"

Remus let out a low growl that caused his chest to vibrate with the threat of the Wolf's temper, and as the man continued to scramble backward away from the couple, he was pleased to see the man's eyes darting wildly to the left and right, looking for an escape, though when his gaze finally turned and settled on Remus's pale and peaky face, the man froze for a moment and faltered in indecision, though the look of fear on the stranger's face as the shadow of the Wolf darted across his features was more than enough for Lupin to be satisfied.

The man shot the pair of them a scathing look before finally turning on the heel of his boot and Disapparating without so much as another word to him.

Lupin allowed himself a moment to quell the tremors in his arms, as he was quick to realize he was still shaking and not from the bitter cold of the night air, but from rage. "Rem?" Remus flinched at the sound of Dora's sweet voice whispering behind him and turned rapidly around to see Tonks had moved to stand beside him and was looking at him with no small amount of concern.

Her cautious eyes wandered upward and settled on his, re-igniting the fiery heat that he had felt not even a minute ago when she had sat on the swing.

"I—I'm sorry, Remus," she apologized, flexing her wand hand as she dug into her bag to stow her wand away. "I had to do it," she admitted sheepishly, tugging on a lock of her hair, and biting down nervously on her bottom lip. "Are you mad at me?"

Her voice was faint, nervous, and barely above a whisper. She was so quiet that for a moment, Lupin thought Tonks's words had been carried away by the wind as another breeze wafted through the pair and tousled her skirt and hair.

Tonks's face was momentarily expressionless, and for a moment, Remus wondered if he had misheard her.

"Are you hurt?" he demanded harshly, by way of deflecting her question. "Did that man hurt you?" Lupin murmured, feeling his voice slowly return to normal as he closed off the gap of space and protectively encircled his new girlfriend in his arms, wanting to bask in the heat she gave off.

Even in the cold night air like this, Nymphadora Tonks was a ray of sunshine, and this close to her, he felt her warmth pulsate and wanted to surrender to it, if she would have him. "Whoever he was, he is an unstable man and dangerous. I could make the argument that by provoking him as you just did was incredibly _stupid_ ," Remus continued, allowing his voice to trail off as he looked into Tonks's light gray eyes, currently glistening with unshed moisture.

"N—no," Tonks whispered. "I—I'm not hurt, Remus," she managed.

He heard her sigh in disappointment and had been about to turn away from Remus, though Lupin did not give her a chance as he caught her by her arm and yanked her back, albeit rougher than he intended to as he heard her little squeak of surprise as she practically fell into his chest, though that was the _point_.

"I—I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have," Tonks murmured, a fiery heat speckling along her cheeks as she glanced down at her lap, though Remus decided he was not having any of it as he reached up with his right hand and firmly cupped her chin in his hand and tilted her face upward, forcing his girlfriend to meet his gaze.

Her words were clumsy and blunt as her maroon-colored hair blew slightly in the breeze. Remus's eyes clouded over, and he turned away before looking up slowly to give his new girlfriend a brief but affectionate little smile.

"No. How could I possibly be mad at you, Dora? You were defending yourself. Remind me then never to get you mad at me," he murmured lowly, his voice heavy with desire for Tonks. She blinked, momentarily startled, and parted her lips slightly to speak, though Remus did not give Nymphadora a chance.

Lupin, not liking the look on Tonks's face as it paled even more and lost color, felt his hand drift instinctively to her waist and guided her back down to the bench they had been sitting on and gently forced her to sit down and collect herself. The two of them sat on the park bench in silence for a few moments before he turned to Tonks, having something that he wanted Tonks to hear.

"Thank you," he finally said, leaning over and murmuring it into the shell of her ear, having to brush aside a lock of her hair in order to do so, a gentle gesture that elicited a tremor of pleasure down Tonks's spine, he was pleased to see.

Tonks swiveled her head slowly to the side and looked at him. "For what?" she asked, confused, and she glanced down at her skirt and noticed with some minor amusement that her Bowtruckle had poked its little leafy head out and was investigating the source of the noise that had disturbed his brief nap.

"For being my world, Dora, and for being yourself. I was thinking about our third date, I could take you to Hogsmeade. If you want to, that is," he offered.

Tonks gaped and looked back at Lupin, before realizing the man was quickly waiting for her answer, and she eagerly nodded, and there was a softness in his light brown eyes as they glistened in the light that came from the nearby streetlamp that illuminated the otherwise deserted park save for the two of them in a soft milky haze. Tonks immediately looked down at her lap, afraid if she stared at Remus Lupin any longer, she would ruin his beauty that she so desperately wished he could see for himself if he just looked beyond his scars.

Lupin only took his finger and lifted it up, placing his hand firmly underneath her chin, leaving Tonks with no other choice but to meet his gaze.

Although his eyes were soft, Tonks noticed the intense feelings behind them, as if he were longing for something more, to regain the moment a few minutes ago that they had lost when they were so rudely interrupted by that punk.

Remus touched his forehead to hers, and Tonks felt an intense warmth. One that she had never experienced before. It filled her body, from head to toe, invigorating Tonks and filling her with a passion and hope that was powerful.

Lupin leaned his head closer to hers and gently pressed his lips against hers. Gentle but passionate, he deepened their kiss. The park's atmosphere around them slowed, so Tonks could be in this moment. Her heart fluttered as she kissed him back, cherishing the moment and her new boyfriend. Remus's lips were soft and warm. She felt Lupin's hand come up to rest at the back of her head, pulling her closer to him until both of her hands were splayed across his chest. They broke apart after a moment of moving in sync with one another and smiled. Tonks rested her head on his shoulder and even though she was still filled with warmth from the kiss, she shivered. Remus noticed this and frowned slightly.

"Dora? Are you cold?" Remus asked but did not give the young witch and Auror any time to answer, as without hesitation he shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over Tonks's shoulders, letting out a content sigh as Tonks rested her head against Remus's shoulder. The two of them sat together in the moment on the park bench and did not say a word, for it was entirely too precious to ruin it.

After a moment, Tonks began to grow restless and without a word, she latched onto Remus's hand and pulled the man to his feet. There is so much in Remus's silence, so much he just won't say. Tonks could see by his expression there's a lot going on in his head, but she knew if she were to ask then he would just say he was thinking of how pretty she was.

_Got to give the man credit, he's smoother than silk,_ Tonks thought. He flashed Tonks the gentle, kind smile that had her stomach twisting and turning in knots, tied up tighter than a banker's money, but unlike a vault in Gringotts, isn't claustrophobic at all. She knew she safe with him, even if he _does_ keep secrets. Loving him did not give Tonks the right to know every pain and doubt, to rummage through the wreckage of his head. Some scars are invisible, and Tonks knew he carried his share. She slipped her hand into his and the two of them wound through the park, just two lovers, happy, connected, and free.

Before they left the park and Tonks turned on the heel of her boot, still clutching onto Lupin's hand, making to Disapparate to head back to her flat, Remus caught her arm again, stilling her movements and preventing her from leaving.

He kissed her and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek as their breaths mingled. She ran her fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them and she could feel the beating of his heart against her chest. In Lupin's embrace, the world stopped still on its axis.

There was no time, no wind, no cold. Tonks's mind was at peace. How could it be that she hadn't seen Lupin's love for what it was before? Pure. Unselfish. Undemanding. _Free_. She felt her body press in, soft and warm. This was the love she'd waited for, prayed for.

She inwardly thanked Merlin and hugged all the tighter. A love like this was to be cherished for life.

Finally, she was home.


End file.
